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Monday, June 29, 2015

Questionnaire To Be My Next Husband

With the recent SCOTUS ruling on gay marriage, we know it's only a matter of time before polygamous relationships must also be recognized.  With that in mind, I am having candidates fill out a short questionnaire so that I can whittle the field down to find my 2nd husband and, depending on how far down the rabbit hole goes, a 3rd husband.

My short list is Karl Urban, David Beckham, Antonin Scalia (our love may now speak its name), João Magueijo, and Patrick Stewart.  As you can see, it's a brainy, arm-candy, sense of humor list.  And, let's face it, I can take Posh.  Unfortunately Denzel Washington did not make it because he's already married and very secure in that marriage and let's face it, he's so damned pretty.  He may get a questionnaire depending on how well my short list does.

And with that in mind, on to the Questionnaire:

1. Please check all of the following Monty Python movies you have seen and know by heart:
    a. The Life of Brian
    b. The Holy Grail
    c. The Meaning of Life
    d. Yellowbeard
    e. Jabberwocky

2. Please list all Guy Richey films you have seen.

3. Are you willing to discuss theoretical physics at the dinner table?
    a. Yes
    b. No
    c.  Theoretical What?

4. Do you ride a motorcycle?  This is not a deal killer, just a litmus test for open-mindedness.  No pressure.
    a. Yes
    b. No

5. Do you cook?  If so, what can you cook?

6. Can you grill?  If so, gas or charcoal?  Can you smoke meat?

7. Do you have a working knowledge of firearms?
    a. Yes
    b. No

8. How do you feel about beach vacations?
   a. Take them
   b. Leave them
   c. Define beach

9. What are your views on living away from most of society?
    a. Just call me Grizzly Adams.
    b. Ah, hell no!  I'm an attention whore!
    c.  I had a friend online once.

10. Do you do much entertaining?
    a. I can't imagine life without a before-party and after-party.
    b. I socialize a little but big parties aren't my thing.
    c.  Does entertaining require me leaving my man cave?

11. Do you read books outside your area of specialty?
    a. Yes
    b. No

12. Compare and contrast the social impact of Venture Bros. vs Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

13. How are you at hot rock massage?
    a. I've heard of it.
    b. I have super-sensitive hands.  I can barely hold a dinner roll.
    c. You've seen my Youtube video.

14. How important is travel in your future plans?
    a. I plan on seeing everything on this planet!
    b. I've traveled so much, so often.  I never want to see an airport for as long as I live.
    c.  Does coming out of my man-can count?

15. How well do you get along with other men and probably Alpha types in close proximity on a day to day basis.
    a. No can do, it's Fight Club and on like Donkey Kong.
    b.  Love my bros!
    c. I'm not really into the whole social thing, so I don't really know.

16. Are you in to shopping so I don't have to?
    a. I'd rather be impaled then drawn and quartered.
    b. Online shopping is it!
    c. I love to people watch at the malls and I get texts on department store sales!

17. Do you like camping?
    a. Yes
    b. No

18.  Are you allergic to shellfish?
    a. Yes
    b. No

19. Conversation is easy.  Silence is hard.  Do you feel the need to fill the silence with inane chatter.
    a. Yes
    b. No

20. Essay:  What so you bring to the relationship?  Remember, money is not in question.  Please be honest, this answer is the most important.

As you can see, it's very comprehensive.  Now, to get these back so I can be ready when polygamy and polyamorous affairs are legitimized by SCOTUS!

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