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Monday, June 29, 2015

Questionnaire To Be My Next Husband

With the recent SCOTUS ruling on gay marriage, we know it's only a matter of time before polygamous relationships must also be recognized.  With that in mind, I am having candidates fill out a short questionnaire so that I can whittle the field down to find my 2nd husband and, depending on how far down the rabbit hole goes, a 3rd husband.

My short list is Karl Urban, David Beckham, Antonin Scalia (our love may now speak its name), João Magueijo, and Patrick Stewart.  As you can see, it's a brainy, arm-candy, sense of humor list.  And, let's face it, I can take Posh.  Unfortunately Denzel Washington did not make it because he's already married and very secure in that marriage and let's face it, he's so damned pretty.  He may get a questionnaire depending on how well my short list does.

And with that in mind, on to the Questionnaire:

1. Please check all of the following Monty Python movies you have seen and know by heart:
    a. The Life of Brian
    b. The Holy Grail
    c. The Meaning of Life
    d. Yellowbeard
    e. Jabberwocky

2. Please list all Guy Richey films you have seen.

3. Are you willing to discuss theoretical physics at the dinner table?
    a. Yes
    b. No
    c.  Theoretical What?

4. Do you ride a motorcycle?  This is not a deal killer, just a litmus test for open-mindedness.  No pressure.
    a. Yes
    b. No

5. Do you cook?  If so, what can you cook?

6. Can you grill?  If so, gas or charcoal?  Can you smoke meat?

7. Do you have a working knowledge of firearms?
    a. Yes
    b. No

8. How do you feel about beach vacations?
   a. Take them
   b. Leave them
   c. Define beach

9. What are your views on living away from most of society?
    a. Just call me Grizzly Adams.
    b. Ah, hell no!  I'm an attention whore!
    c.  I had a friend online once.

10. Do you do much entertaining?
    a. I can't imagine life without a before-party and after-party.
    b. I socialize a little but big parties aren't my thing.
    c.  Does entertaining require me leaving my man cave?

11. Do you read books outside your area of specialty?
    a. Yes
    b. No

12. Compare and contrast the social impact of Venture Bros. vs Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

13. How are you at hot rock massage?
    a. I've heard of it.
    b. I have super-sensitive hands.  I can barely hold a dinner roll.
    c. You've seen my Youtube video.

14. How important is travel in your future plans?
    a. I plan on seeing everything on this planet!
    b. I've traveled so much, so often.  I never want to see an airport for as long as I live.
    c.  Does coming out of my man-can count?

15. How well do you get along with other men and probably Alpha types in close proximity on a day to day basis.
    a. No can do, it's Fight Club and on like Donkey Kong.
    b.  Love my bros!
    c. I'm not really into the whole social thing, so I don't really know.

16. Are you in to shopping so I don't have to?
    a. I'd rather be impaled then drawn and quartered.
    b. Online shopping is it!
    c. I love to people watch at the malls and I get texts on department store sales!

17. Do you like camping?
    a. Yes
    b. No

18.  Are you allergic to shellfish?
    a. Yes
    b. No

19. Conversation is easy.  Silence is hard.  Do you feel the need to fill the silence with inane chatter.
    a. Yes
    b. No

20. Essay:  What so you bring to the relationship?  Remember, money is not in question.  Please be honest, this answer is the most important.

As you can see, it's very comprehensive.  Now, to get these back so I can be ready when polygamy and polyamorous affairs are legitimized by SCOTUS!

Friday, June 26, 2015

Once More Into The Breach, Dear Friends



And yet another disappointing decision to come out of the worst SCOTUS in history.  This is what happens when the only question you care about asking in the Senate confirmation hearings is whether or not you are Pro-Life or Pro-Death.

Now, let me preface this by saying a few things.  Number One, I have no problems with gay people getting married.  Not one single objection.  Part B, I don't see why the government is involved in marriage at all, anyway.  iii. It's not the job of SCOTUS to decide what is basically a States problem; and D, gay people can't procreate, so give it some time.

I know that every single one of my gay friends out there just gasped and swooned on D.  You may have knee jerk outrage, but it's true.  Through your marriage you cannot procreate legitimate children yourselves. You need a little surrogate or turkey baster help, ya know what I mean.  Marriage only exists to legitimize children say the people who say government has not place in choosing who can marry.  These are the same people who scream about the illegitimacy rate in the minority communities, too.  Can't eat your government cheese and have it, too, folks.  You cannot denigrate the institution of the family and have a lawful society, too.

Marriage is about strong family bonds, and God knows Liberals don't want that going on or you won't be dependent on Momma Gubmint for everything.  Do you really think they care about the living conditions in the ghettos?  No, they want a dependent voting block whose only reason for existing is to pull the Democrat Party lever on Election Day because they are beholden to those same Democrats for their gubmint cheddah.  Now let this bake in your noodle for a minute. Why are Liberals so crazy about gay rights when gays just want legitimacy to do the same things everyone else does and have a strong family bond via marriage and adoption or in vitro?  Liberals don't want strong families, they also don't want father figures in the home.  So why are they screaming about gay marriage?  If you've read George Orwell you already know the answer to that.

But then, after yesterday's SCOTUS decision on SCOTUScare (officially the name now in Court Documents :wink:wink:) and then hours later the decision on some People's Republik of Kalifornia raisin growers  give two completely opposite decisions on basically the same subject, subsidies.  If you read both cases, and then both decisions you come away scratching your head that in an apples apples competition, they came to two totally different conclusions, it shows that the SCOTUS has definitely become an activist court, which they should never, ever be, and were not brought into existence to be.

So again, Americans are stupefied by that what their government does and yet will again go to ballot boxes and pull a lever for the name they recognize rather than for the issues with which they agree.  And for every one of you out there saying, "Oh no!  My guy does what's best for me!"  Unless you live in Texas or Kentucky, you're wrong.  And then those states only get 50% representation because Mitch McConnell and John Cornyn are the biggest RINOs since John McCain.

So, while I am happy my gay friends can now get familiar with license forms, social security forms, DMV waits and divorce courts, I'm not happy how it came about.


Straight Up Cowardice

In less than a week the SCOTUS has managed to turn the entire nation on it's ear.  They have basically wiped their asses with The Constitution and caved in to fear.  Chief Justice John Roberts is nothing more than a yellow-bellied coward who refuses to stand up to Obama.  He's afraid of arguing the facts against everything Obama and his ilk are doing because he doesn't want to be the one person to stand up and and point out the Emperor has no clothes.

So many in DC are afraid of being the one person to use reason and logic to stand up to Obama because they don't want their name on anything in history that will go against the first Black President (he's not).  It's so stupid!  I'd rather see my name in history as the one brave person who stood up to all of the idiocy and sheer stupidity going on across the nation, than be part of the herd of lemmings that just followed them off the cliff.  But, I've always been that way.

Let me illustrate with a story straight out of my life, as I am wont to do here.

My husband and sons will not throw anything away unless I am watching them.  Finish up a carton of cokes in the fridge?  Leave it there or better yet, set it on the floor for someone else to pick up.  I've yelled, threatened and finally ridiculed them in front of friends.  I ask one question.  "What are you afraid is going to happen if you throw out the coke carton/mill jug/jam jar/bread wrapper...?"  They just look at me and shrug.  I've actually trained them in the past year to put it on the table or counter... which is about 10 inches from the actual garbage can.  I've showed them by throwing things into the trash can and illustrated that no doom fell upon me by throwing away garbage.  WTF people?  So when they say they're not afraid I always respond with, "Oh, then you're just a lazy f$ck.  Got it." And then I walk away.  I always make sure to do this in front of their friends.  Always.

Why are our elected officials so lazy?  We know they're not afraid of press coverage.  Hell, we've all seen She-Jack mow down the elderly and infirm to get her face in front of a camera.  And I know we're all aware that Lindsey Graham would sell his own excrement if he thought he'd get five minutes of face time on CNN.  So they have to be lazy.

It's because it's hard to row against the tide.  It's very hard to buck the system to which you wish to become beholden (most GOP and all Dems).  When we're learning civics in school (for those who still get those lessons) we're told that you CAN do this or that, but that it's very difficult. You can repeal bad Amendments to the Constitution, however, it's an Sisyphus type labor and hardly any of us are up to it.  And to be honest, keeping with the Greek Mythos, the one who does stand up to it, hello Ted Cruz, I'm looking at you, they will most likely be laid out for their liver to be ripped out daily like Prometheus.

With the exception of people like Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Justin Amish, hardly anyone in Washington DC has the guts to stand up for what is right, what is logical, what is reasonable.  The rest of the politicos are nothing more than a bunch of cringing, bullied cowards, toadying to whatever the Libs tell them to do in some weird kind of Stockholm Syndrome that we can all thank Richard Nixon for.

So there is your Fundamental Transformation of America folks.  Hope you're happy.  I am not.  But I know how to make myself happy.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Motorcycle Thugs

I live and work in Waco and I ride a bike.  I am a biker.  However, I have never joined a club, despite a desire to ride with others.  I'm not a joiner.  However, all of the bikers I've ever met, EVER, have been the kindest, nicest people on the planet.  Biker holiday toy donations take in more toys than the Marine's Toys for Tots program.  Did any of you know that?  Did you know that when a blood donation bus rolls up to any party or rally given by bikers, they are inundated?  Did you also know that among bikers, as a community there are more organ donors per capita than any other in the US?  Seriously, you can actually Google all of this info.  I knew this from the course I took to learn how to ride a motorcycle and then bothered to look it up.

You all can thank Michael Berry for this piece.  With and errant piece of stupidity I heard him speak on his show on Tuesday when speaking with some Biker's Coalition member about how 175 people jailed in Waco for the shoot out at Twin Peaks a week and a half ago are in jail, being held without proper due process and they are all just innocent guys who showed up there to talk about Motorcycle Regulation and Legislation in the State of Texas.

Really?

Let me cut through the garbage here and lay out some facts for people who are too ignorant to read simple news stories or even just talk to people involved.

There were over 300 weapons found in the Twin Peaks restaurant and surrounding area, including the Don Carlos restaurant next door.  Plus, and this gets better later on, they found more weapons stashed around the outdoor mall including up on the roofs and in the landscaping.

Yeah, this was just a meeting to discuss biker laws.

There were 9 people killed and even more than that wounded when someone decided his dick was bigger in the bathroom and both decided to whip it out and then everyone else had to whip theirs out.  Let's not forget that.

Waco PD knew this was going down thanks to informants in the FBI and Texas DPS.  They had warned the manager of the local Twin Peaks franchise nine times, to no avail.  When they found the weapons cache, the weapons were found in places that clearly show that, at the very least, the management was complicit in what went down.  You can't just walk into the storage areas and hide guns and knives and chains behind food and cooking utensils.  Yes, it's very clear management of that restaurant was complicit in this mayhem.

Now, let's discuss the 9 people who are dead and the others who didn't die.  Murder and attempted murder, and it wasn't By Cop.  This was bikers shooting, stabbing and bludgeoning each other.  Waco PD and surrouding areas merely contained it to the Twin Peaks parking lot.  Hear that Michael Berry?  Because this is the first in your lesson in chain of custody.  I had assumed that perhaps you had received that information when you went to that law school to get that degree you're always going on about, but perhaps you were absent that day, right?

With over 300 pieces of evidence to go over, not to mention the bikes siezed, to determine which instrument did what to which person, it's going to take time. This is not CSI: Waco where you get DNA results in a few minutes and ballistics without even firing the weapon.  No, we have to send ALL of that up to the forensics institute in Fort Worth and they get to go over every single piece evidence and determine which gun shot whom, then they get to try to find out who was holding said weapon when it fired the projectile that killed or wounded a person.

SINCE we don't know any of that, we have to laboriously test and determine so that everything taken to court is above reproach.  Now, you get to the $1 million bail set by the local magistrate and felony court judge.  "It's unfair!"  Please hear that in Michael Berry's falsetto voice and the way he will say something like that on his show.  WE DON'T KNOW WHO DID WHAT and until we do, because they were ALL involved in one way or another, they all need to be where we can get them when the evidence does come in, don't you think?  Also, with the Bandidos and Cossacks having heavy ties to the drug trade along the I-35 corridor, don't you think they are a flight risk?  Many of these guys don't have a permanent address.  No, I don't think it's unreasonable at all. Once it's been proved you were not involved with any of the murder and mayhem that happened at Twin Peaks, then you may go, take your bike with you.  You will note that no petitions for forfeiture have been filed in this case at all.  Please note that Michael Berry.

The local rag, The Waco Tribune Herald, a bastion of everything Baylor almost doesn't know what to do.  If it had been frat hazing at the Twin Peaks, I'm sure they already had their apology written with blanks just having to be filled in.  If it had been two highly placed Baylor administrators arrested for drunk driving I'm pretty sure that Baylor has a former law school alum on retainer all ready to fire all sorts of mud at the local special prosecutor and DA to obscure the fact that they are all Waco Christians, which actually has nothing to do with real Christianity.  Consider them the Muslims who stand mute while fundamentalist terrorists within their religion do reprehensible things to the rest of the word in the name of their God. 

The Waco Trib, as they are affectionately known in town, are now publishing sob stories about the families of these gentle men who aren't home and how worried their families are. Hey, you can visit them twice a week right down on Hwy 6 for you local folks!  It'll be almost just like having them home except, no money and now we get to the crux of it all.  Tiny ain't out making his weapons or whore deals so he's not bringing home any money.  And since we've seen how this cash economy works within the biking world, despite Sons of Anarchy, they have nothing saved to fall back on.  A few hundred or thousand kept in the coffee can buried in the back yard will only last so long and Momma's gonna have to find herself another biker to support her since Tiny's in the hoosegow for the foreseeable future because... colors.

There is a difference between a motorcycle club and a biker gang.  Yeah, look, even the spelling shows it.  I know people in both.  I hang with the club guys and smile and remain friendly with the gangs because I have no beef with you until you have a beef with me.  I don't go looking for trouble, however if it comes to me, I am prepared.  Besides, I'm sneaky as hell.

A motorcycle club is usually people like me, who love to ride, like riding with others and like to find picturesque places to ride and enjoy the view.  It's next on my bucket list, don't tase me, bro.  They show up to shindigs and rallys and have fun.  Hell, they drink beer, liquor, smoke pot, whatever.  I'm responsible for my decisions, not yours.  They usually work at high end blue collar or middle management white collar jobs, and have families, homes, and savings accounts.  Money they aren't ashamed of.  I love these people dearly.  They get me and I get them.  We don't ride into town wanting to tear things up and throw our weight around.  Actually, I'm usually looking for decent BBQ or burgers when I stop.  Sometimes, just a place to fuel up and pee.

A Biker Gang... That's a whole other kettle of fish there.  They are all part of the demi-monde that is drugs and prostitution and illegal firearms.  The saddest woman I ever saw in my life was a biker bunny.  She didn't want to be there, be with that guy, and it showed.  She broadcast it loudly and nobody paid attention to her.  The guy treated her worse than you think white folks treated slaves and nobody bat an eyelash.  Again, not my circus, not my monkeys.  If you won't stand up for yourself, why should I? She probably lived her entire life expecting Superman to burst in at any moment.  Superman doesn't exist.  Accept that and get on with your life.

This whole coalition things is a ruse.  They are completely under control by the Bandidos, with the Cossacks not far behind in that pecking order.  Yeah guys, I really believe you're getting together to discuss biker legislation in Texas.  Can you give me the number of that House or Senate bill again so I can look up the language you're worried about?  The guy on Michael Berry's radio show couldn't and didn't.  He denied that the Bandidos controlled him or his "club".  Right, Spanky, and I ride a trike. If the guy had given me something I would be more likely to believe anything he said, but as it is, I consider him a shill for the gangs.

So when the dust settles, when ballistics and forensics comes in, perhaps we'll see a reduction in bail.  Perhaps not. Consider this, who put all those guns all around that shopping center?  Who put them in the restaurant?  Even though you didn't kill someone or they can't prove the chain you were holding kneecapped that guy, doesn't mean you didn't do ANYTHING.  You're still complicit in what will easily be proved a criminal organization and RICO comes into play.  In RICO almost anything goes.  This was organized, this was criminal.  Think of it as something akin to the Clinton Foundation.

So, there you go Michael Berry. A reason why million dollar bail, asset seizure and why so many are being held in the now overtaxed county jail.  Nine dead, many more wounded and no idea who did what.  Consider it your parents sending you to your room when a lamp is broken and you and your siblings refuse to take ownership.  If the guys who did it would just step up and accept responsibility then the rest of their "brothers" can go home and take care of the whores and guns and drugs.  Come on guys, help a brother out.

Friday, May 01, 2015

Human Rites of Passage

I admit, I don't get many of the rituals around human life.  I get celebrating new life. To a degree I almost get weddings, but funerals?  Those things completely mystify me.  So let me break it down, so perhaps someone will be able to 'splain it to me in a way I can understand.

Weddings

Now, before you scratch your head and think I don't see the need for marriage, I totally understand marriage. I do not, however, understand weddings.  After my youngest daughter married I made all of her siblings swear to me they would elope or head to the JP for State Sanctioned approbation.

My daughter was married on the coldest, iciest day in December of 2013.  It was a small affair with family and friends who could brave the roads.  The venue of wedding and reception had changed just days before the wedding causing me to go absolutely insane.  Exactly six months later my niece was married on a very hot day in a small church and had a very loud reception that even she did not enjoy.  Why?  Because her mother in law was having her wedding at my niece's expense.

Why on earth do we put ourselves through the hell of grand weddings since most marriages last about 5 minutes before they're in divorce court fighting over the salad spinner neither one wants?  Neither my daughter nor my niece are divorced, but you know what I mean.  In our society forever is about two years.

We feed into the myth of weddings when our daughters are little.  She'll get to be the princess and it's all about her.  How is this mentally healthy?  The wedding is not a big deal.  I've been married twice and both times I was married by a judge.  Why?  Because people are stupid about weddings.  Marriage is difficult enough without bringing in the sheer madness that is the fairy tale wedding.  Weddings are a MYTH.  You want to be a princess?  Marry a prince.  Ask Kate Middleton how that's going.

My husband and I got married by a District Court judge in our local courthouse who stepped up when the JP "forgot" he'd agreed to marry us.  This is typical of our relationship.  We'd been engaged for a year, took a trip to Nawlins and on the way home he decides we just HAVE to get married RIGHT NOW! So we went and bought the license at lunch on Monday, I made the arrangements to have the state put their seal of approval on the thing and Friday afternoon, took off at lunch and we eventually got married in Judge Johnson's office with his clerk Carla and my ex-husband as our witnesses. Then we went to eat and home for video game playing.  I can say without a doubt that we've had huge problems, but we got through because we're dedicated to each other and making this thing work.

We've been through bad times, having to work on getting our credit score up, the death of a child, and buying a new home and moving, kids growing up, going off to war, moving away, marriage and now grand-kids.  But we meet each challenge head on, united, as a team because our relationship is important to us.  Just us, no one else.  No one else cares.  So why invite everyone, accept presents we don't really need, spend money we don't have on a wedding?  I honestly believe it's all in the pursuit of presents.

Who doesn't love presents?  Everyone loves getting presents and a wedding is the perfect opportunity to get tons of them.  Who cares if you don't need 3 toaster ovens?  You got to open a present!  And since most couples have set up house BEFORE marriage these days, it's not like you need anything more.  At that point it's sheer avarice.  Thank you, but no.

So here is my advice to couples.  Get your license, get to a judge, JP or minister and just get the sanction on it and then live your lives, together.  Harness all the energy you would put into a momentary thing and put that energy into your marriage.  If you just NEED a freakin' party, have some friends over, drink some wine, make some food.  But if you make it all about the wedding, you have nothing left over for the marriage.  That is my observation.

Funerals

I don't understand funerals, I never have.  It seems to me to be more for other people than for the person who is... DEAD! If it's all about closure then have a wake.  Why should the death of someone be so sad and somber?  If a funeral is anything close to being about the dead person, celebrate their damned life.  This is exactly why I refuse to have a funeral.  I want people laughing, happy, and telling good stories about my life (there are a few), not standing around moping and crying.  My life wasn't about that, don't make my death about it.

Now, first off, I don't get burial.  Burn, cremate, whatever, but stop using perfectly good land to store your bones.  It's no longer your body.  YOU'RE DEAD!

I am donating my body to UTMB-Galveston school of medicine so that future medical professionals can learn human anatomy and then my remains will be cremated and the ashes spread in the Grand Tetons.  It's not like I will ever be back in that body, and frankly, after all of the decomp over the ages, who wants to go back to that?  Jesus Christ, people, help me out here and stop being so freakin' stupid!

YOU'RE DEAD!  YOU'RE NEVER COMING BACK!  THIS IS A ONE WAY TRIP!

Put aside the stupid myths and superstition we have about death.  You will never, ever use that body again. No one in history ever has, with the exception of two people in the Bible, Lazarus and Jesus.  Unless you're them, and you're not, you don't need that body, and frankly, the living can use the land for something productive.

Just like weddings, why the f$ck do you need a grand party... WHEN YOU'RE DEAD?  It's not like you can attend.  You don't get to participate, so why is some expensive, great funeral even among the thoughts you have about the end of your life?  If your family insist on something like that, then you know it's all about them and has less than nothing to do with you.  You're dead, it's not like you'll care.  You people act like you're actually going to be there to direct and enjoy things.  YOU'RE DEAD!

I've yet to meet one single person who likes funerals. So why go?  If you didn't show the person respect and reverence while they were alive, why do you think it will make a difference when they're dead?  Are you serious?  I know what you were thinking just now and yes, you just made it all about you and what you need.

I loved my grandparents.  I loved my paternal grandparents greatly.  I never expressed this love while they were alive.  I didn't even attempt it after they died.  There was no way I could.  Because they were dead and it was too late.  It taught me to show people what I feel now, this minute, because I may never get another chance.  You don't get "one last chance" after the person is dead.  They are dead.  They can't hear you, can't see you, and really no longer give a shit. Unless you can prove otherwise, shut up now. And as proof I will need more than some ghost story or how you feel Great Nana's presence when you sit in her old rocking chair.  That's your emotion, not logic speaking.

I also tend to forget birthdays, anniversaries, stuff like that.  Oh look, I'm another year old.  Yay.  I cannot ever remember the year I got married, even though it was in 2000.  I have to seriously think about it and then I second guess myself so I have to drag out the wedding license to make sure.  The first year we were together, my husband bought me mums in October for my birthday.  My birthday is in June and I despise mums the way most kids despise spinach.  However, I get birthday presents a couple of times a year from a man who doesn't get the whole birthday thing either.  I'm not complaining.  The only reason we remember his is because he was born on the very first Hippie Day in 1970.

I guess you could say I don't really get most human rites concerning rites of passage.  I didn't have a Sweet 16 party, and my daughters didn't either.  For my oldest, we had a party at a local park and BBQed hamburgers and hot dogs for hers.  Because she's the type of person for whom these rites mean something.  My other kids are more like me.  My youngest daughter, after her wedding, begins to see the light as she prepares for her daughter's first birthday party.  My granddaughter is 4 months old.  My oldest daughter has agreed to elope and inform us after that she's married and we can do a small dinner after as a reception.  Because, she admits, it's about presents.

I don't get much except for Baby Showers.  Those I completely get.  Babies need so many things and shouldn't your friends and family really share that pain while you're busy paying off the obstetrician and hospital?  I give diapers and wipes.  Always.  Because that's what they really need.  They don't need cute clothes the kid grows out of in five minutes.  I keep giving diapers, wipes and formula.  Something the parents need, not some stupid toy you find out is dangerous the moment your kid grabs it.

So consider these things, wedding, funerals, birthdays.  Most of them are a waste of money and time when all is said and done.  I understand a need to celebrate.  Hell, I drink a beer when The Netherlands is in the finals of the World Cup, I put on an Orange shirt and  cheer like a maniac.  That's all about me.  I love it when the Astros win.  I get excited when The Texans look like they may get into the play-offs.  That's time for a celebration.  But weddings, anniversaries, and funerals?  Who needs a party? When you understand the answer to those questions are the guilty and the greedy, then perhaps you'll understand me a little better.

Wednesday, April 08, 2015

The Battle of the Lamp

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating, as Mother switches off the leg lamp] My mother was about to make another brilliant maneuver in the legendary battle of the lamp. The epic struggle which follows lives in the folklore of Cleveland Street to this very day.



The title of this one comes from the movie, "A Christmas Story" wherein Ralph Parker desperately wants a BB Gun for Christmas and his imagined machinations are hilarious.  A sub-plot in this movie is when Mr. Parker wins a lurid lamp in a newspaper contest and displays it proudly in the front window of their house.  Mrs. Parker "accidentally" breaks the lamp.

 My husband has a desk.  He's had this desk for over 20 years and it has been in his parents' home, and two of our houses in that 20 years.  It is also made of press board.  It is huge, ugly and needs to be sent to the garbage dump with honors.  He is, however, determined to find a way to keep it and fit it into his little cave he's made in the back room off the laundry room.  He says it's so that he may watch porn in peace, but we all know he's watching anime and My Little Pony. (Don't ask if you don't know what a Brony is).

Most people seeing this desk would recommend it be either burned or thrown out.  Not my husband.  EVEN THOUGH HE JUST BOUGHT A NEW DAMNED DESK.

So perhaps you see where I am coming from.  Now he's trying to say I can have his new desk and he can put that old desk in the room after all (yeah, after he scratches my washer and dryer to hell and back)!

This is the problem, I don't want that desk.  I've finally decided I want a standing or high top desk with a tall, stool-type chair.  And I don't intend to get one until I find the exact one I want and try out every chair as I've finally found a chair I like, but alas, it is a regular office chair.  I'm very picky about office chairs.  This means I cannot order the chair online because I will have to try it out.

And thus the broken lamp comes into a more clear view.  My husband's desk must now have some sort of tragic, fatal accident from which it cannot be brought back.  My neighbor and I had though that wrecking one of the drawers would be enough, but no, he thinks he can fix it because, and I quote, "That part does nothing".

Do you see the delusion with which I am dealing?  Crazy.

So today, while he is at work, I will make sure that desk cannot remain in my house.  Heavy trash pick up is in less than two weeks, it can sit in my garage with all of the other crap my husband cannot part with, up to and including empty boxes and broken lawn implements.  I know that my neighbor would love for her husband to begin taking things to the heavy trash days.  I now have a porch swing, treadmill, couch, love seat and various chainsaws, trimmers and other crap my husband left out in the yard to spoil over the winter that must now be picked up and thrown away because he finds it impossible to put things back from where he got them.

I found a pick-axe in the grass, no lie.

Way must be made for my new piano, and I see the desk as an acceptable sacrifice.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

The Objectivist View

Many people call me a Libertarian, but I am not.  I am not Republican or Conservative.  I firmly believe that if you know what's best for your life and it harms no other being on this planet, then live your life as you please.  Just leave me alone to live mine in the same manner.

You see, I don't care if you do drugs.  However, I think that as you are a young person, usually, when you start doing drugs, that we should have an anti-drug program in the public schools that cheap and lazy parents insist we have.  However, there is a small change I'd like to propose in this anti-drug program.  When we're teaching children the horrors of drug addiction, teach them the cost. Then teach them the math.  The math of lost wages, lost jobs and unemployment.  Teach them that the State no longer pays for rehab when you're in jail or prison for drug crimes, because we've decriminalized drugs.  You can buy and use drugs, however, you have to have proof of at least two stays in Capitalized drug rehab in a trust account before you are allowed to buy even a leaf of marijuana. Yes, to show us how dedicated you are to drug use, you have to FIRST save up for your own rehab when your family inevitably has had enough of you, and makes you go in to rehab.  The second paid stay is for when you finally want to get off drugs on your own and this time, because it's your choice, it may stick.  Doubtful. The entire drug rehab caper is built upon recidivism.

How many kids do you think will go out, get jobs to pay for their own drug rehab?  How many will do it if you go to prison for life if you get busted and it's shown you don't have it?  What if there is a death penalty to anyone shown to be high while committing a crime and they have no drug rehab paid for and we don't tax people to do it in prison anymore?  I do believe in imprisonment for bad decisions where you decide that you are going to harm someone's life and/or property because you want to be lazy AND stupid.  I mean it's not like I didn't give you an alternative, right?  You made a choice, society made theirs.

Don't show kids pictures and movies of strung out heroine addicts.  Have rehab counselors come in and tell them how much their sessions cost, and how often they see the same people in over and over again.  Have them have some cured addicts come in and tell them exactly how much it cost them to get sober again.  I don't want to hear whining about how hard it is to be a drug addict.  If it was so damned hard so many stupid and lazy people wouldn't be doing it.

I'm fine with drug use and alcohol use right up until you harm someone or their property when you do it.  If you can't afford to fix it, then you're obviously a drain on society and should therefore be removed from it.  Prison, wilderness banishment, I don't care. Get your leech ass away from productive mankind.

You want to smoke?  Fine.  But, since we're all aware of the problems it causes, be sure that you carry your own health insurance. And you don't get to sue cigarette manufacturers because you chose to smoke or expect the American taxpayers to pay for your bad decisions.

Think about it for a moment.  How much are we, as taxpayers, on the hook for people too stupid and too lazy to make good decisions.  Should they really be allowed to vote or make decisions any harder than which part of the floor of an abandoned warehouse to sleep?  Did you know that we pay for drug rehab for prisoners who have been convicted of drug crimes as a condition of their conviction?  Yeah, if they complete rehab (which we all know works SO well with the unwilling) they get out of jail free with an adjudicated sentence.  So you know how many of them are repeat offenders and frequent fliers?

Are you still willing to smoke if you have to show proof of health insurance with every pack you buy?  This is one regulation I am willing to own.  I don't care if you smoke, you can even smoke in restaurants, etc., since that study by the EPA was shown to be about as reliable as those on Global Warming.  I just refuse to pay for you to quit or have lung cancer and/or COPD and emphysema. GET IT?

I don't care if you make retarded decisions, but I refuse to pay for them instead of you.  For the past 45 or so years we've been making society pay for the bad decision making of a whole host of people who really shouldn't be in charge of walking a dog, much less whether or not to use drugs.  If you had to show proof of rehab payment or health insurance to buy your drug of choice, how many kids would even start?  Don't know. I care even less.  Just as long as I'm not on the hook for their bad decisions.  I have enough to deal with making my own decisions, I should not be responsible for yours.

This is all of a piece of not taking personal responsibility for yourself.  It's society's fault, mommy's fault, daddy's fault.  The fault of everyone but the person using and abusing.  And we wonder why we have such a huge drug culture.

For those of you who say that the government should sell the drugs and tax the hell out of it, yeah, that works so well because government is so efficient and tracks things so well.  I mean, look at healthcare, right?

If you want to sell drugs, that's great!  But you have to go through classes on how to spot fake ID, just like folks who sell beer.  I think it's fair.  I also think that you lose your license and go to prison for life if you're caught selling to underage folks or not checking for proof of rehab trust or health insurance.  The Black Market will always exist.  I think Radar O'Reilly showed us that all too well.  It's going to exist, but no more tickets, no more fines.  Straight to prison you go with no possibility of parole.  You've already shown yourself unfit for society.  Also, my views on prisoners working for their food and shelter is well known.  You don't get to be a leech in my world.  Ever.

It's very simple.  I know what's best for me, not for you.  However, when it's proven you cannot make good choices, good decisions, then it's not up to society to make you better, it's up to YOU to make yourself a useful, productive part of society, and it will, by God, not be on MY dime.

Frankly, I think China got it right.


Monday, March 16, 2015

On Writing

About six weeks ago I fell while working with my dogs and managed to break two ribs and crack two more, with various and sundry other bumps and bruises.  I denied I'd broken anything and I'd wake up tomorrow perfectly healed.  After exactly one week, even I had to accept the fact that I was broken and needed mending, so I headed to the doctor who confirmed all of that.  The doctor's office was great calling in cough medicine and antibiotics when I started coughing to stave off pneumonia (I need to buy that office a coffee machine, I really do).  So I have a few days until I go back in to recheck the ribs.  I'm pretty sure I'm mostly fine, but there are a couple of ribs still not taking the piss.  We'll sort them out.

I've had 6 weeks of sitting about, watching Miss Fisher Murder Mysteries and Midsomer Murders (all 17 seasons), and reading anything I could get on my Kindle.  To be honest, there was a week or so there where the wireless was not working on it.  I nearly missed Patricia Briggs Dead Heat!  I love me some Charles and Anna.

So I've been reading.  I've been reading a lot.  And I came to notice something as I re-read books (because I can easily read 4 books in a day with nothing else to do).  I realized that some of my favorite writers committed some serious prose errors.  What ho?!  I refuse to name names because some of them were perpetrated upon an adoring public by authors who should know better.  So let me begin with an open letter to lady novel writers.

Dear Lady Novel Writers,

I love your stories, your characters, your imagination. I appreciate you taking me to worlds far and near.  I love that you make me laugh, make me cry, and sometimes make me wonder.  However, with that said, dear, gentle Novel Writer, if you freakin' use the word whilst one more time that is NOT in a historical bodice ripper, I will personally come to you home and bludgeon you with your own keyboard.  Do I make myself clear.  If you don't have an editor to keep you safe from yourself, GET ONE!

And further, dear, gentle Novel Writer, the correct usage of the phrase is COULD NOT CARE LESS. If you can care less, then you care something, just a little.  The phrase "could not care less" and "could not possibly care less" indicate the abject pit of apathy the speaker of the phrase feels.  The next time I read the incorrect usage in one of your books I shall write a scathing review post the number of times you misused the phrase in that one novel alone.  (For some writers this should stand out as the phrase was incorrectly used far too many times.)

Could of?  Should of?  Would of?  WTF??? Are you a fifth grader learning English as a second language? Could have, should have, would have!  Learn to conjugate your damned English verbs.  If I can learn it, so can you.

This is for foreign writers who have someone translate their books for them.  If you're writing an American character, say and FBI agent, FFS use an American to translate that dialog.  American don't say bloody, arse, or pub.  And so the dialogue looks weird and I have to put the book down in disgust.  Luckily, the two books I read where this occurred improved on the author's second book. Proving the adage that even a blind squirrel finds a nut.  Also, non-Americans should not try to write Americans talking it tough.  It just doesn't work.  Unless you bleed greasy hamburgers and can eat a huge piece of pizza folded over you just can't talk tough... Unless you have a London accent, then it almost works, but only in a weird way where you use all the Cockney slang and facial expressions.  Because, let's face it, could any American pull off Bricktop's Pig Farmer or Nemesis monologues?  The correct answer to that is a full throated "NO!".

Moving back to the American type of fantasy writers.  Please, for the love of Science research physics better than you have.  Even if you are abducted from Earth, it would be pretty simple for an advanced race of people to find our star system based on the number of planets, magnitude of our star and having one planet that can sustain life that is the third rock from said star.  So, ladies, if you're hoping for an alien abduction, get to learning about our star system and exactly which kind of star gives us life.  It's a Yellow Dwarf, FYI.

CRACK ON!

For lady (and male) novel writer who write about shifters, I can tell that none of you have taken an anatomy class, much less a comparative anatomy class.  Most quadrupedal animals actually walk on their fingers and toes.  They have the exact same knees we do, no joints would need to pop or break due to a "shift" in shape.  None whatsoever.  Learn your anatomy then write about the changes during a shift so I don't have to skip pages where your erroneously describe said shift in exactly WRONG detail.  As with the folks misusing English phrasing, I have and will continue to write bad reviews until you learn what you're writing about.  Seriously, just look at your dog or cat.  Also, domesticated cats are the only cats that purr.  Why?  Because they CAN.  Big can't do not have the ability.  Don't overuse artistic license.  Please, dear GOD, just don't.

Yours in Writing

Sev!

Now, I love the writers who have taken the time and pain to think of new universes for me to lose myself in.  Some are so freakingly awesome that I want to go there physically and experience it. In this section I can happily name names. SE Smith, Eve Langlais, Laurann Dohner, Faith Hunter, Kat Richardson and MK Eidem come to mind immediately.  These ladies have built worlds so rich and full of detail that I feel like I've actually been to those worlds they built and know the people they write about.  They immerse me in that universe and afterwards I don't want to leave.  I recently wept when Kat Richardson ended her Greywalker series and when Ilona Andrews ended the Kate Daniels series.  But it was inevitable.  No one goes on forever and even writers of wildly successful series have to go in other directions. I will miss Harper Blaine and Kate and Curran, painfully, tearfully, but there are other parts of the universe in these authors brains I am dying to explore as well.

The important thing about writing is to write what you know.  In some of the drivel I've read in the past few weeks it's pretty obvious that self-publishing is not for everyone.  Especially people who don't bother to read what they write or they would be painfully embarrassed by what they've put out there for the rest of us to ridicule.  If you don't know it, research it, learn a little something new.  Your writing can only improve upon learning it.