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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Don't Contradict Me!

So, anyway, I tend to mess up people's preconceptions.  I'm supposed to be, according to several Europeans anyway, a "bad ass American with guns and rides a motorcycle".  I don't like that characterization, but not for the reasons you may think.  I have never thought of myself as a bad ass and I use guns, but I only own one.  The rest belong to my husbands whose fondest wish is to be thought of as a bad ass.  I wish him luck and much happiness in that endeavor.

Let me see if I can describe this in a way that won't make you turn to drink and/or Prozac.

I'm not your typical Conservative.  I'm not your typical Libertarian.  I sure as hell am not  Liberal.  I believe in Laissez-Faire Capitalism, open markets and allowing the market to bear what it will.  I believe that I should be able to completely forget about the Federal Government and watch my State government with a jaundiced eye.  I believe in term limits for everyone and that Supreme Court Justices should stay on the bench, at the most, 12 years, then they should sit back, read the Constitution and mentor new Justices.  I firmly believe that Congress shall not infringe the right of the businessman to do business.  If you can't make a better mousetrap, get a real job, don't go running to DC whining about it.

That covers Government.

I also do not believe in the designated hitter.  It's a lot like cheating.  In fact, it IS cheating.  I believe that if you want to take steroids to enhance your athletic ability you should be able to.  I also believe that you have no right to bitch about what happens after your glory.

I believe that doctors and teachers have the right to earn just as much money as their talent and the market will allow.  I do not believe the same about lawyers.  In fact, I will start Richtercare for free legal representation for all.  So you can sue Dolly Madison when the chocolate donuts have caused you to become fat and one hair's breadth away from congestive heart failure.  You'll lose, of course, but you have the right to sue for being stupid.

I believe that good teachers should be paid more than professional athletes.  I also believe that nurses should make more than doctors.  They do all the work, all he brings is a lot of maybes into the mix.

However, I grow gardens, flower and food.  I know a great deal of herbalogy.  I know a great deal about teas.  I knit and craft and cook like a demon chef.  I know about and appreciate wines.  I recycle that which is reasonable to recycle.  I compost.  I like camping and being out of doors in any state but Texas.  I like hiking, hunting, swimming and lazing about on hot summer days.  In fact, you'd almost think I'm a hippy in the manner of my attire.

However, I believe that we should be able to shoot hippies the moment they are identified and confirmed.  Too many people wear Birkenstocks to make it on sight.

I pay my bills, I bring my trash can back from the curb the moment I get home and before I go inside.  Because I'm just lazy and chances are, once inside greeting my dogs and cat and kids and husband, I will most likely forget to get the trash can is out there until the next day.  I have a sprinkler system to water my gardens because I'm lazy.  I believe in washers, dryers and dishwashers.  I'm a huge believer in kitchen appliances. But I would rather bake a cake from scratch than buy one at a bakery.

I give to a few charities.  I research them, research their financials and then I give generously of my money and time.  However, I support few "causes".

I am a trained scientist. There is nothing I revere and trust more than the scientific method and logic.  And yet, I believe magic and dragons would be wonderful to have in our universe as well, and wonder in which dimension of alternate realities they just might.

I am dead serious about the state of our country.  And yet I have an imp that lives inside me that urges and encourages me to speak out on the most ridiculous and hypocritical things I see.  Then mercilessly rip it to shreds.

I care about those who hunger and those who can't find work. I just don't believe it's the role of government to steal what I earn to feed and clothe them. The world needs ditch diggers, too.  We've just gotten to the point in our society where people think they are too good for some jobs and are more than willing to allow criminals to do them as long as they aren't actually required to look at or even know of them.

I hate illegal immigration with the heat of a thousand suns.  But I am able to separate that from the friends I have who are here trying to make a better life by working hard in jobs we think we're too good for.  I can tell the difference between them and some cholo chop shop kid in Pasadena cooking up meth in the garden shed to help his revenue stream.

I love music. I even listen to some rap music.  I don't like certain words like fuck, nigger and whore being slung about like so much slop and I'm not a huge fan of denigrating women because you wouldn't be able to get laid unless you had all that money and bling.  Let's face it folks, what woman of your acquaintance would screw L'il Wayne with another woman's pussy if he didn't have money?  Was that crass enough for you? Think I have a future as a rapper?

I love animals and babies. But I despise most children other than my own.  Why?  Their parents.  Years in Little League. I think that explains it all.

I think all teens should be put into near indentured servitude so that they appreciate any job they get once they are out of school.  And when I say all teens, that means the rich kids, too.  Everyone, and I mean everyone should know at least one really shitty job and employer.  It makes you appreciate the good ones more.

I don't know how to play golf, could not possibly care any less about American football, la crosse or sailing or horses.  I prefer and G&T to beer or wine. I also prefer comfort in my clothes and friends and home.  I spend hours and months researching one single point of interest to myself.  I am into year four of research into tesseracts and hypercubes as a possible explanation of the dispersal of matter across the CMB (Cosmic Microwave Background).  I don't think that you can say that E=MC2 and then firmly say there is nothing faster than the speed of light.  Make up your mind, you've just said that light had to travel twice as fast as it does for that equation to work. Stop confusing me.

Oh yeah, and I can grasp higher math concepts and feel more at ease with vector calculus than I do balancing my own checkbook.  The difference between arithmetic and math in a nutshell.

There are very few of us that are just one thing.  We are all complex human beings with sometimes contradictory likes and dislikes within us.  It is in enjoying those contradictions that make life worth living.

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