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Saturday, March 09, 2013

On Being Ill

No, this post has nothing to do with L'il Wayne, who obviously will feature himself on the song of anyone who slightly shows a need for some Never Been with whom to "duet".

I found out yesterday I have a pretty bad case of bronchitis.  I've been coughing for 3 weeks, but waited until I had a fever of 104 to call the doctor's office for an appointment.  Evidently, this is a "bad" thing according to the several health care professionals who could not wait to let me know that as I coughed my way through an exam, an x-ray and then the exit strategy.  This is from a doctor who sighs long and loud when he sees my name on the chart and whispers, "Dear God, she's still alive.", before opening the door, painting a pained smile on his face and re-introducing himself as if I have not been seeing this man at least once a year for the past 13 years. If not for the fact that you need a prescription to buy insulin, I wouldn't go in as seldom as I do.

It's not because I'm stupid or anything, but I rarely get sick enough to "need" to see a doctor, and then I rarely follow their advice when I do go.  I am the world's worst patient.  I acknowledge that and try not to subject my health care professionals with my stubborn refusal to follow modern medical advice.  Why?  Because I know that it will trend the other way five minutes after they give it to me.  I stopped trusting the medical profession decades ago.

At this point in our knowledge and evolution I consider most doctors to be little more than medieval barbers in their ignorance and treatment methods.  Seven seasons of House taught me that.  Everything is a guess to them.  So forgive me if I question your diagnosis two weeks ago of "allergies with some sinusitis" and now "bronchitis that might turn to pneumonia unless you get this shot of super-antibiotics in the butt" as twaddle and an "educated" guess.  Shouldn't I have gotten the super-antibiotics two weeks ago instead of "just continue with your allergy meds and give us a call if the cough continues."?  OK, yeah, I waited until an actual fever showed up, but Jesus Palamino, should it have not been a pretty obvious clue that I needed something more than over the counter Allegra?

I suffer from some pretty horrible allergies this time of year, so it's not a biggie to me when I'm all allergy symptom heavy.  It doesn't really worry when I begin to cough a little.  But, when it goes on and on and doesn't get better, no matter what I do, then I have to admit, even I will go to see a doctor.  Yes, world's worst patient, EVAR.

Hyperbole?  You can ask my doctor about that.  He visibly shudders at the thought of having to hospitalize me for pneumonia.

So will sit here with my Ny-Quil and antibiotics and hope I get better.  So does my entire family because I am a whiney little baby when I'm ill.

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