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Saturday, January 08, 2011

Real Friendship

On Facebook today, a friend posted this:

A true friend doesn't care if you're broke, being a pain, what you weigh, if your house is a mess, what you drive, about your past, etc. Your conversations pick up where they left off even if they've been months apart. They love you for who you are. I am lucky to have a number of true friends, &I thank you for being that person in my life. Re-post if you too have at least one true friend. They’ll know who they are.

I posted, tongue in cheek, that I'd settle for a nodding acquaintance.

Such is my misanthropy exposed.

I am a fiercely loyal friend. It's my paladin syndrome in action. However, I am honest. Brutally honest. My neighbor found this out to her horror and hurt feelings. Her husband is working as a contractor in a field where he excels. However, it's a dwindling market in these days of budget cuts, unemployment, and severe retrenching. He works on the weekends, an hour an a half away. She gets nearly full time work substitute teaching at the local school district. She really does love the work and the kids. She's good at teaching and one of the parents I speak of when I say that she would be the BEST teacher to her children than any of the pension sitting 'tards in the local schools could be.

Her problem is that she decided she was going to go back to school to get her degree. She decided this in the midst of their employment and budgetary woes. She went full speed ahead. Yet, she sits whining that he hasn't found a permanent job with benefits (she does love to go to the doctor) and is always going on about how they can't afford this or that. She's the one who decided to quit the full/part time work and go to school full time, knowing that they needed money coming in so that she could pursue something that is ultimately useless to anyone, a liberal arts degree.

So, not only has she quit her job, she's gone even further in to debt, and wants us to feel sorry for her because her husband has been unable to find another job in his field full time and closer to home.

I'm a bitch because I don't do the "friend" thing and hug her and tell her I feel bad for her and that her husband is a selfish jerk for not allowing her to pursue her stupid dream at a very bad time in our economy and their lives. In fact, I told her to stay at work until he got full time employment and then pursue her stupid, useless degree plan.

I give her logical, rational advice, and she's pissed because I didn't lie to her to make her feel better, despite her lapse in sanity. I'm a cunt that way.

If friendship is helping people feel good about bad decision making, then I will remain a acquaintance to all.

Does this mean that I always make my friends feel awful? No. It just means that I am unwilling to put logic aside if that's what it takes to be your friend. I refuse to advise people to make bad decisions just to keep them around. You already feel stupid and bad for making a bad decision and refusing to turn away from your bad behavior. Don't expect me to prop you up.

Bad friend?

If you say so, then perhaps I see why we're not friends.

And I'm OK with that.

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