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Friday, July 16, 2010

Hey! I'm Racist! At Long Last!

It's about freaking time!

Thank you NAACP for letting me know, because I need to tell a world full of friends from all walks of life that I have met and befriended over 45 years on this rock that I really hate them because I believe in the power of individual achievement. Thanks for letting me in on that brain stumper, because I was confused.

However, I have a couple of problems and I was hoping you wonderful people could help me out here.

First off, my son is planning on marrying a woman of Mexican descent. Do I have to call her a Beaner? I mean, Carlos Mencia says it's OK, and he calls all Hispanics Beaners, so... I mean... do I have to? Because she's beautiful and sweet and so un-beaner-like. You know what I mean, right? I can just imply it, because that's what you people do.

What do I mean 'you people'?

I mean the race arbiters, you know... the NAACP. I mean, you get to choose what is racist and what is not, correct? I, as a white woman can't call you the N-Word, but let some ignorant, entitlement ghetto baby do and "it's what we call ourselves".

I'm just saying...

OK, let's see... where was I?

Oh, yeah. My parish priest is a person from India. May I refer to him as Father Dot-Head? Is that OK or is that not racist enough? Should I pretend not to understand a word he says? They're all Buddhists, right?

Jesus Christ, how do real racists keep track of all this shit?

OK, next... I have many friends who are black. Is it acceptable as a racist to refer to them all as House Negroes? I mean, they are friends with me, a white person, so that makes them all Uncle Toms, right? Except, he was noble... DAMMIT, now I'm all confused again.

Fuckers! I'm going back to liking people on the content of their character as Rev. King suggested.

Your character sucks, NAACP, and I'm calling that spade a spade. Hate me all you want.

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