Buy Sev's Latest Book

Be sure to buy my latest e-book at Amazon! Dark Matters

Wednesday, May 31, 2017


In the past week, both of my phones have been ringing more than they did during the election polling season. Telemarketers are becoming even more desperate in their attempts to get someone to answer their calls. I do so only so that my number is recorded as being answered, then I immediately block them on my phone and through my phone provider at home and block them on my cell phone. Yes, they are now calling cell numbers figuring that most folks don't even have land lines any longer. I seriously consider unplugging my phone hourly.

So, to the telemarketers out there, let me school you on your business model, in much the same way as I lectured the recording industry during the days of Napster and file sharing sites.

Nobody likes you, And when I say nobody, I mean literally not one single person, including yourself, likes you. Your own mother would probably go back in time and have a retroactive abortion if she knew you'd grow up to be a telemarketer.

You're desperate for an ever shrinking, ever growing senile market share. I get that. What I don't get is why you are still using phones? Everyone, including my technophobe elderly relatives have caller ID and never answer calls from numbers they don't recognize. The fact that you are now cloning numbers from elderly members of target communities is really... what's the word I'm searching for? Despicable. Yes. That's it exactly. Despicable.

Just so you know, I'm saying that word just like Sylvester the Cat would. Relish it as you hear it in your tiny little head.

I've always imagined call centers as being the saddest places on earth outside human slavery auctions on the West coast of Africa and Saudi Arabia. It's the kind of place you tell no one you work at. You tell everyone you're a prostitute because it's better than saying you spam phone calls trying to make a dime off the stupid and the elderly, desperate for someone to talk to, and a telemarketer will act like their care in order to make that dime.

Yeah, I'd cop to being a cannibal dominatrix rather than admitting to that, too.

This is a major shout out to ALL marketers of all stripes. Junk mail doesn't work. I have a bin I throw mine in as soon as it's identified. Telemarketing has never worked with me. I will seriously fuck with your head when you call me and I'm in a mood. Barring that, I will record your number, and block it with extreme prejudice. I usually hook up my ancient fax machine to my phone line during the election cycle. Those I want to call me have my cell number. I only give my landline number on websites that demand it, then I unplug my phone now when I need to.

I don't like TV or radio ads. I don't even like magazine ads.

Like most Americans, I have no desire to have goods or services pushed in my face unless I want or need them, and then I seek out those goods or services and I do my due diligence by quietly vetting each product and reading reviews.

I don't use Google to search for good or services. I use an adblocker, in fact two of them, on my browser. I refuse to go to any site that demands I disable either to look at their content, because it's readily available elsewhere without someone trying to hawk their snake oil at everyone.

I am not alone or rare or a weirdo. This is the attitude most rational people have towards advertising. We don't like it, don't need it, don't want it.

I don't even watch the insipid Superbowl commercials until days after. I don't care, and more than likely I will never, ever consider buying your product because I don't want or need it.

I get it. Your tit's in a wringer because you keep wanting to make money without really working for it. Hey, I have a lazy kid, too, but even he draws the line at telemarketing. I guess I can be proud of him for that.

Become a prostitute. At least there is some pride in that type of work.

No comments: