Tammy Wynette once sang:
In the event you live on an iceberg somewhere near Al Gore's pet polar bears, my previous column was all about chastising the modern "woman" for cheapening herself with the modern "male". In the interest of "Equal Time" I would like to take this opportunity to chastise the modern male for making the whole world a worse place for refusing to grow up and accept responsibility for himself and the things he does in life. Also, in the interest of full disclosure I will be using words requiring a dictionary and/or thesaurus and using things like logic, reason, proper grammar, syntax and hyperbole. Also, I may drop an F bomb. You have been warned.
The ability of the human male to spread his seed indiscriminately is as old as man himself. Men are horny and unable to think at all when they have a hard-on. I know very few men for whom this is not true. I can count them on one hand and none of them are eunuchs. Since time immemorial men have stuck it where they wanted, when they wanted and walked away from anything that might have germinated. For the most part, women have been demonized when they bore fruit of these unions. In modern times we've nearly made a board game out of "Guess Who's Daddy!".
Besides today's young women selling themselves as cheaply as a bland compliment, we have young men who think it is perfectly OK to sit back and father as many children as they possibly can without taking responsibility for any of them. Let me illustrate this point by telling you how the paternity game is played in Title IX or Welfare Child Support Courts all over the State of Texas. Because, you see, we don't want to pay you full welfare when the baby-daddy should be paying his fair share. Except, if he pays his fair share the baby-momma might still have to work to support herself and child because she won't be getting as much in TANF and Food Stamps. It's a tough world.
When I was working as a legal assistant, many of the attorneys I worked for represented young men, most with jobs, who got mail from the State of Texas telling them to show up for paternity testing, and just to stick the knife in deep, they had already started garnishment of your wages. Because welfare money is thin on the ground here in Texas and you're going to pay up for smiling at some girl in a bar who managed to get your name from people who were out with her that night. Now you go get the test, keep having the money garnished from your wages in the months it takes to get the results and a court date, only to get there to find you're not the daddy. Not only that, this is the third time this girl has dragged in some male so that she will get full benefits and doesn't have to name the real baby-daddy so he doesn't leave her until she's had another kid by him and only waits to fess up to the truth when baby-daddy has left her for a new baby-momma. One of the attorneys I worked for got into trouble for saying, in open court, "Your Honor, this is her third time up here. I've represented two of the men she's named as daddy for this same baby. How many bites at the apple does she get?"
Evidently facts have no place in Welfare Child Support Court.
The men who have paid for months for some kid who is not theirs will not get that money back from the State or the woman who have both stolen it from him. These are the same guys who, if they got divorced from women they were married to and had children with, would never get to see their children because courts still see women as automatic victims.
Men, you need to live in a condom. Wear one all the time, regardless of the activity. Do not even think of touching a female without one on. In fact, wear two. Double bag at all times, just in case. In a fact, just don't touch a female outside the state of holy matrimony. That way, when I'm at a dinner party and you're grousing about paying child support for a cocktail waitress you banged in the bathroom at your favorite bar, I will know you did your damnedest not to procreate irresponsibly and can therefore check my overwhelming desire to choke the life out of your useless body. If you don't want to pay, don't play. PERIOD.
You think you're some big stud because you can stick it in any hole you aim at? No, that makes you a small man with in inferiority complex, because you only stick it everywhere in a search to prove you are something at all. The same rule for women is the same rule for me. Oh yeah, it feels good while it's happening, but then what? A lot of bad feelings because you know, deep down where it really matters that you're a worthless piece of shit who deserves every bad thing that happens to you.
You want someone to look up to you? Try fathering the children you've created. You want unconditional love? Try parenting in the lives you've created. You want to be a big man? Try parenting with a partner you can respect.
Dad's stick through it all. They are there at conception, birth and all that follows. There are many fathers in the world, but precious few Dads.
Stop sitting around talking about the bitches in the world today. You surround yourself with low self-esteem women because they are the ONLY ones who will sleep with you and such is the manner of their mental disorder that they will do anything to keep you around because they think you are their world. Know what? Why don't you try to be worthy of that concept? Treat her like you want her to treat you. Treat both of you with respect and for God's sake, treat your children with the love and respect they deserve. Stick around. Get a damned job, even if it's menial and has nothing to do with X-Box whatsoever. And realize that any woman who would have you at this point in your useless life is going to lie about birth control in an attempt to keep you around. Is that what you really want?
Realize that your children are not some hassle that steal all your titty bar money. See them whenever you can because the window of time they WANT to see YOU closes very quickly. Make sure they have what they need, despite the bitch who mothered them. That wasn't their fault. It's yours for failing to control your cock. They are not stealing your money. Your wages are garnished because you can't control your cock. If all the thinking is done by your little head, you deserve all the shit that rains down on your miserable life. Because YOU let it. No one else is involved with your inability to control yourself. Toddlers have more control in the candy aisle than you do at a titty bar in the "candy aisle".
You're not a man, you're a giant reproductive gland and you know what? You're not even cute. It doesn't make you lovable, it doesn't make you desirable. All it makes you is a big prick. Oh yeah, you want to know the common factor in all those bitches you get babies on? They didn't know their daddies either.
While unwed fathers, they can't be botheredSomewhere I just got extra points for remember this song whilst I was wordsmithing my previous post. God helps those who remember obscure song lyrics.
They run like water, through a mountain stream
In the event you live on an iceberg somewhere near Al Gore's pet polar bears, my previous column was all about chastising the modern "woman" for cheapening herself with the modern "male". In the interest of "Equal Time" I would like to take this opportunity to chastise the modern male for making the whole world a worse place for refusing to grow up and accept responsibility for himself and the things he does in life. Also, in the interest of full disclosure I will be using words requiring a dictionary and/or thesaurus and using things like logic, reason, proper grammar, syntax and hyperbole. Also, I may drop an F bomb. You have been warned.
The ability of the human male to spread his seed indiscriminately is as old as man himself. Men are horny and unable to think at all when they have a hard-on. I know very few men for whom this is not true. I can count them on one hand and none of them are eunuchs. Since time immemorial men have stuck it where they wanted, when they wanted and walked away from anything that might have germinated. For the most part, women have been demonized when they bore fruit of these unions. In modern times we've nearly made a board game out of "Guess Who's Daddy!".
Besides today's young women selling themselves as cheaply as a bland compliment, we have young men who think it is perfectly OK to sit back and father as many children as they possibly can without taking responsibility for any of them. Let me illustrate this point by telling you how the paternity game is played in Title IX or Welfare Child Support Courts all over the State of Texas. Because, you see, we don't want to pay you full welfare when the baby-daddy should be paying his fair share. Except, if he pays his fair share the baby-momma might still have to work to support herself and child because she won't be getting as much in TANF and Food Stamps. It's a tough world.
When I was working as a legal assistant, many of the attorneys I worked for represented young men, most with jobs, who got mail from the State of Texas telling them to show up for paternity testing, and just to stick the knife in deep, they had already started garnishment of your wages. Because welfare money is thin on the ground here in Texas and you're going to pay up for smiling at some girl in a bar who managed to get your name from people who were out with her that night. Now you go get the test, keep having the money garnished from your wages in the months it takes to get the results and a court date, only to get there to find you're not the daddy. Not only that, this is the third time this girl has dragged in some male so that she will get full benefits and doesn't have to name the real baby-daddy so he doesn't leave her until she's had another kid by him and only waits to fess up to the truth when baby-daddy has left her for a new baby-momma. One of the attorneys I worked for got into trouble for saying, in open court, "Your Honor, this is her third time up here. I've represented two of the men she's named as daddy for this same baby. How many bites at the apple does she get?"
Evidently facts have no place in Welfare Child Support Court.
The men who have paid for months for some kid who is not theirs will not get that money back from the State or the woman who have both stolen it from him. These are the same guys who, if they got divorced from women they were married to and had children with, would never get to see their children because courts still see women as automatic victims.
Men, you need to live in a condom. Wear one all the time, regardless of the activity. Do not even think of touching a female without one on. In fact, wear two. Double bag at all times, just in case. In a fact, just don't touch a female outside the state of holy matrimony. That way, when I'm at a dinner party and you're grousing about paying child support for a cocktail waitress you banged in the bathroom at your favorite bar, I will know you did your damnedest not to procreate irresponsibly and can therefore check my overwhelming desire to choke the life out of your useless body. If you don't want to pay, don't play. PERIOD.
You think you're some big stud because you can stick it in any hole you aim at? No, that makes you a small man with in inferiority complex, because you only stick it everywhere in a search to prove you are something at all. The same rule for women is the same rule for me. Oh yeah, it feels good while it's happening, but then what? A lot of bad feelings because you know, deep down where it really matters that you're a worthless piece of shit who deserves every bad thing that happens to you.
You want someone to look up to you? Try fathering the children you've created. You want unconditional love? Try parenting in the lives you've created. You want to be a big man? Try parenting with a partner you can respect.
Dad's stick through it all. They are there at conception, birth and all that follows. There are many fathers in the world, but precious few Dads.
Stop sitting around talking about the bitches in the world today. You surround yourself with low self-esteem women because they are the ONLY ones who will sleep with you and such is the manner of their mental disorder that they will do anything to keep you around because they think you are their world. Know what? Why don't you try to be worthy of that concept? Treat her like you want her to treat you. Treat both of you with respect and for God's sake, treat your children with the love and respect they deserve. Stick around. Get a damned job, even if it's menial and has nothing to do with X-Box whatsoever. And realize that any woman who would have you at this point in your useless life is going to lie about birth control in an attempt to keep you around. Is that what you really want?
Realize that your children are not some hassle that steal all your titty bar money. See them whenever you can because the window of time they WANT to see YOU closes very quickly. Make sure they have what they need, despite the bitch who mothered them. That wasn't their fault. It's yours for failing to control your cock. They are not stealing your money. Your wages are garnished because you can't control your cock. If all the thinking is done by your little head, you deserve all the shit that rains down on your miserable life. Because YOU let it. No one else is involved with your inability to control yourself. Toddlers have more control in the candy aisle than you do at a titty bar in the "candy aisle".
You're not a man, you're a giant reproductive gland and you know what? You're not even cute. It doesn't make you lovable, it doesn't make you desirable. All it makes you is a big prick. Oh yeah, you want to know the common factor in all those bitches you get babies on? They didn't know their daddies either.
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