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Sunday, June 22, 2014

Parenting, It's Not A Dirty Word

I just read a depressing article about unwed mothers and their children over at the Daily Signal. Granted, this is not one of my go to news sources, but there was nothing in the article, save the part about college education being the main factor in unwed women bearing children, with which I could argue rationally.  The sad fact is Dan Quayle was right, even the WaPo admits it.

At the time, it was still a huge deal to have a baby without even thinking about marrying the father of said baby.  This was the argument I always made, if you aren't thinking marriage, what are you doing in the baby making positions?  I know, shocker, I'm not a proponent of recreational promiscuity. forgive me if I choose to love myself a little bit more than my nail polish color.  I don't want others to think of me cheaply, so I don't think of myself in that way either.  However, I don't believe that you should wait for marriage, either.  Simply put, if that part of marriage does not work out, for either party, the marriage will have insurmountable problems.

However, deciding, as Dan Quayle put it, on just another lifestyle choice, you're being disingenuous and stupid.  Raising a child is the hardest job you'll ever do.  It's fraught with exhaustion (funny how that always comes up first), drains on your purse, frustration, isolation and yes, there are times you just don't like your own off-spring.  In fact, there are times you will put them and yourself in time-out just to keep yourself from throttling them.  When I told my kids to get to their room it was because I was about to lash out irrationally and possibly beat the snot out of one or all of them.  If I had not been able to share those responsibilities with their father (in the few times he could actually be bothered to be around and be a man) I would have gone stark raving mad and my kids would have been raised by rabid wolves in the wilds of Montana.  At least that was my favorite day dream.

Since Murphy Brown I have seen an actual epidemic in teen pregnancy, increased youth incarceration and youth crime.  It all stems back to not having parents or so-called parents.  If you are having a baby because you want someone to love you, get a damned dog.  You can ignore them when you want and you don't get mad because you never get to do whatever you want whenever you want because the love object needs feeding, cleaning and attention.  Keep your damned knees closed.  Don't believe me?  Ask any woman who is a single parent after her man left her in the lurch because he couldn't be a man and accept the responsibility he created right along with her.  If you're not thinking about putting a ring on that, sir, keep it in your pants.  Thank you.

The boys who see men acting like this think that this is socially acceptable behavior, regardless of what the media or others tell them.  They see what is real, what is happening and they take that cue and will treat their women the same way you let a man treat you.  You let a man use you like a damned door knob, that is how they will treat the women in their lives.  If your daughters see you treated like street meat, they will think that is the best they can achieve and just bend over and take it from any male who is willing to spend five minutes with them.  So sure, do it for the children.

Thus perpetuating the cycle and catastrophe that is parenting in the world.

Be a damned parent. They are not your friends, they are your kids and they deserve guidance and security from their parent, not a string of lovers in and out of the projects.  Raise your child up so that they will not be a drain on society, will be respected, and hopefully not incarcerated. My children are all in their 20s now. They are just reaching the ages where they now GET why I did the things I did.  I had such a short time to parent them.  I've got the rest of my life to be friends with them.  I'm proud of them, in fact, all four of them for the individuals they are.  Try to shoot for that instead of the bar bicycle.

Respect yourself and your children.  This, more than anything else, will stand your child in good stead.  Respect for oneself does not allow for being bullied, indoctrinated, enslaved physically or mentally, railroaded or cowed.  If you show your children respect for self and others, everything you need them to know flows from that.  Do you want to know why the Asian culture has less of a problem with their youth that Europe and America?  They are taught from birth to respect their elders.  Self-respect flows from the mutual respect shown by the elders towards them.  Shame is a huge deal in their culture.  If a teen girl gets pregnant in the US she's an MTV celebrity.  She's shown no respect for herself or her child and that will continue through their lives and most likely to the next generation after that.

So respect yourself and your future child enough to get it done right and make sure that child has enough love and support that two parents can give them.  You can go it alone, but you're only making it harder for both of you.

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