Straight to the Moon, Alice

I'm having a very Ralph Kramden kind of day. For those of you in some time warp, Ralph Kramden was the main character in a 1950's era sitcom called The Honeymooners. Ralph was a bus driver, married to Alice and was best friends with Ed Norton and his wife, Trixie. In several episodes Ralph would threaten a non-plussed Alice with violence in the form of "Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon, Alice!" In those non-PC, sensitive times it meant he was going to punch her.

Evidently it's OK to tell a ho that you're going to pop a cap in her ass, but threaten to punch a non-crack whore female and you will be the most reviled male on the planet this side of Chris Brown. It's OK to hit a woman these days as long as she's on the fringes of society in a non-acceptable role for her social strata. I love the irony. It's the only thing keeping me from anemia at this date.

The hip-hop society that says that it wants to empower black youth really just means black male youth. All women are whores, hos, hookers, gold diggers and in all ways undesirable as anything more than a glory hole. It's alright to fuck a ho, but don't give her any money because she'll just spend it on crack and a man needs to have his gin and juice money, ya know.

I find this dichotomy so interesting. I do find a certain joy in the ridiculous, but Hip-Hop is so ridiculous that, to me at least, it's like the Energizer Bunny of ridiculous. It gives me much fodder in which to enjoy my day. I listen to it because my kids listen to it. I like knowing what they are listening to since it does shape their ideas and forms their opinions, whether they realize it or not. I point to Neil Peart's lyrics on Rush albums for solidifying my Objectivist ideals when I was a teen.

Point out the dichotomy in hip-hop and you will be labeled a racist. Yeah, I'm a racist because I've pointed out that not only are you wrong, but you're stupidly ridiculous about it. So what have I done about it? Found some of the most popular rap crap done by an artist of another genre and played it around my kids, singing along. Nothing can possibly beat The Gourds singing Snoop's Gin & Juice in a country and western vein. Comedy Gold and good at the same time. But you can listen, hear and understand the lyrics to most of the crap out there when you do this. Then you're ready to point out to your kids how stupid this whole genre of music is.

You want to glorify rape, murder, drugs, thuggery and crime? Fine. Learn to spell and write a freaking book. That way I can easily avoid your stupidity and not be faced with it anytime I get in the car after the girls have been riding around trying to be cool.

Oh, and those clothes? Seriously, when was the last time any of you thugs worked out? Doesn't that put a harsh crimp in your thug life?