TechnoPeasants

Most people who know me refer to me as "that chick who knows computers". Not only is it odd that I know computers, build my own, understand software and operating systems, but that I don't play the girl card and twirl my hair while demanding some man fix my computer. Basically because men are human beings and just about as dumb about computers as women.

My main beef with people, other than being moronic sheeple, is that they REFUSE to learn a necessary technology, even if it means they cannot find employment without that skill. Honest to Science, I would love to teach my half German-Shepherd, half-Border Collie pup to herd these folks on to a space ship headed to the sun with no life support on board. You know the type I'm talking about, the folks who think computers are "the devil" and some sort of window into your soul or have people inside the monitor, ready to reach out and grab your wallet. You have to love the tin-foil cap crowd. They supply the plucky comic relief in this dramedy we know as life.

But this, THIS, is my biggest peeve with the technofeebs, technopeasants, or as the folks at The Chronicles of George call them, Lusers. People lie. People lie on their resumes. The biggest lie outside of education is computer knowledge. Every time I see "knows computers" on a resume or job application, I throw it out. I already know they're lying. Lying like rugs on a stone floor.

Really? You know computers? Show me a northbridge on this motherboard, then. Don't have a clue what that is, do you? Alrighty, then, how do you sequence numbers in a column or row in Excel? Not really sure what Excel is? It's a spreadsheet, Genius, and it's incredibly easy to use. Know what a pivot table is? Have any idea what a data base really does? Have you heard of Microsoft? Are you allergic to shell fish?

For most folks, I don't expect them to know the innards of a computer. Sound card? Video card? RAM??? Yeah, just nod and gimme your best "Just off the boat" look and move on. These are folks for whom AOL is an adventure. They don't own computers, they own email or chat machines that just also happen to take up space on their desk.

The biggest problem with these idiots is that they feel entitled to be able to do anything on their computers that those of us who applied our brains and learned hardware and software spent months and in some cases years, learning. They don't want to learn, they don't really want to know, they just want to have resource hogging screen savers that show pictures of their cats and will not listen to anyone more knowledgeable until they get it. They are the office equivalent of the four year old standing with his fingers in his ears, stamping his feet and screaming "LA LA LA LA LA LA" at the stop of his voice.

Then, they get in to jobs where they LIE on their resume and say they "know computers". Really, Sparky, what do you know? They mean they can, maybe, log in to Windows (forget Linux, these people wouldn't know a line command if it bit their ass)and then find the Big Blue E to log into Facebook or MySpace. What is Word? How do I open this file? What is Adobe? Mine isn't working. Google it you moronic bastard. They don't understand it when they do. Outlook? Outlook Express? WTF is Thunderbird? Firefox? Where's my Big Blue E?

I hate you. I hate all of you with the heat of one thousand suns. It is my greatest wish to one day bash in your stupid, useless heads with the keyboards you are constantly misusing. I want to stand there and click on your mouse, right next to your ear, while screaming, "Why won't it work?" and then continue bashing you with it.

You are not entitled to a computer or the internet. No one thinks your kittens, flowers, kids, car or toenails are cute. No, I will not show you how to upload pictures of your turnips, girl friend, flat tire or favorite college t-shirt. Look it up, find out for yourself so that you never EVAR ask me to help you again.

I need a cup of tea. Just thinking about these wastes of skin is damaging my calm.