I Don't Want to Go Off On A Rant, But...

Just got a call from the spousal unit. Some friends of our own an SUV which has been giving them some fuel delivery system problems. After having it in and out of the shop and spending thousands on costly labor and repairs, they find that their teenaged son had been siphoning gasoline from their vehicle.

Now, it is my devout belief that there is not a jury in the land that would convict either of them if they bludgeoned the child to death. I know I wouldn't, and an informal poll of the people in and around my office shows none of them would either. In fact, most offered to help, leading me to believe there is much resentment when it comes to teenagers or just kids in general.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I love them so much I want them to grow into responsible adults that don't piss off everyone they know because they are too stupid and/or self-centered. However, I have never hesitated to shoot down their hopes and dreams, squash their irrational wants and desires, or pointed out the flaws in their so-called "logic". (I don't believe anyone under the age of 30 properly uses logic because they were never taught to do so in school).

If the moronic teachers unions and NEA would get their heads out of their asses long enough to see that they are not the parents of the children, but mere instructors, then perhaps we would have a better chance at slapping little Johnny when the little asshole smarts off instead of having them call the cops. Of course, we as parents, have let them believe it's their job to set the moral compass of our children because we're too involved in our own lives to make sure we're setting a good example for our progeny. We are all so busy passing the kids around we don't make sure they know they are loved and where the freakin lines are. Because they are crossing them way too often these days.

I defy you to open any newspaper in the land that is reputable (so exclude The Enquirer, Weekly World News and The New York Times) and try to find any police blotter that doesn't include some child, somewhere, going batshit insane and doing something so awful we're all repulsed by it. Where the hell do they get these ideas? Oh, mommy and daddy were too busy living their lives and sticking Junior in front of HBO with no parental filters so he could watch Friday the 13th and Freddy Kreuger slash their way through a trailer of scantily clad teen girls and we wonder why he raped the 8 year old next door. Correlation? I'm not sure, but it could have something to do with it.

Here's my point, you have kids... do things with them. And I don't mean going and yelling at their Little League coach so you can feel like you're active in their lives. Talk to them, play with them, do something fun together. Don't be such a fucking prick, so involved in your own life that you don't even realize you have children until the police come knocking on your door. Ask yourself this, while you get all het up and foaming at the mouth, when was the last time you made tacos with your kids, laughed, ate bad food, and just had the best time because you were all laughing together? If you say never, do me and the rest of the world a favor, die in a fire. When you can get your attention off yourself long enough to notice your kids hate you and are doing everything in their power to grab your attention away from your oh-so-wonderful-self, you may want to call a crack psychologist to help them put an ego together because you're already using enough for several people.

To all you morons out there buying bass boats, fast cars, and spending money you don't have so that you can be Mr or Mrs Big, instead of spending quality time with your kids, just listening to them goof, don't come up to me all surprised when he's in juvenile detention. At least he now has some of your attention... I say as I watch you get a manicure.

Lazy, stupid, self-involved parents aren't the only ones in my cannon sights. This is to you Helicopter and Black Hawk Parents, GET OVER YOURSELVES. Being too involved in your kids lives cripples them even more then no attention whatsoever. I watch you sit in a fucking LINE to get to the red carpet to take pictures of your little darlings walking into the prom. YOU GO TO THE PROM WITH YOUR KID??? WTF is wrong with your freakin idiots? Your kid is so emotionally and socially crippled he's going to the prom with his 3rd cousin once removed that YOU set up because none of the normal kids will even speak to him, much less have anything to do with your little bundle of insecurity and incompetence. As you march off to college, confident that you have filled out his application and essays as only you can, remember he's the one attending the classes and getting the major he doesn't want or need. Live your own fucking life, not his. Die in a fire.

Take care of your kids, take care of yourself and raise kids the rest of the world doesn't want to stab in the mouth. For the love of God, we don't need any more freakin idiots on this planet.