Aggravation...

Or why are stupid, aggravating people allowed to breed?

After a week of relative quiet wherein I was allowed to do my job with maxmium interruption by the telephone, I've deceded that smart people are judicious in procreating, but stupid people breed like rabbits. Having had to go to the grocery store several times this week, I was surrounded by the mouth breathers.

Where else, but Volde*Mart or the grocery store can you see so much stupidity packed in so tightly into one building? Also, where else, other than the local elementary school field day, are you likely to see a 300 pound woman in a halter top and Daisy Dukes? Daisy! Loved your show!

I hate going shopping and my husband understands, but no one else does. It's like diving head first into a big pool of ignorance and willful inability. I either get stuck behind the woman who wants to read every label of everything, who is so obviously wasting time because she doesn't want to go home, or the person who is meandering through the aisles, winding their way to... whatever. Come on folks, you go to the store to get more stuff. You know what you want, you know where it is, go in, grab it, check out. Surgical strike. And people wonder why I go at 2:30 AM. I'm less likely to run into the welfare mom with her six darling reprobates running all over, screaming and hollering who wants to know why she can't buy diapers with her food stamps.

I imagine that online shopping was a boon to those, like me, who do not want to go out into the great unwashed so they can cull through bins and bins of DVDs to find My Favorite Year. I go to Amazon, type in the title, hit search and within 2 minutes I am the proud owner of the movie. In my bathrobe and Tiger Slippers. I don't have to run into Buffy and Tiffany, gushing over the latest Chamillionaire CD in their white bread, suburban designer jeans. Those are braces your daddy bought, sweet pea, not your grill. KK, Pumpkin?

I patiently await the day that online grocery shopping comes my way. No more standing behind the woman with two baskets, a box of coupons who goes through her basket while awaiting her turn with the checkout person. No more listening to squabbling toddlers scream for candy or soda while their parents deal in some in effectual manner because they ignored the damned candy free lanes. Smack the brat lady, I'll testify for you in court. Let them keep your spawn while you go to some Effectual Parenting Classes, that included spanking and a good smack across the mouth.

My biggest gripe is that my new bank is located in a local grocery store. I don't want to drive into town to make a deposit and risk actually touching one of those people. It might be catching. Surely they cannot have been that stupid all of their lives. No drive through, because it's in the store. I just put on sunglasses, go in, make my deposit, then I'm out. I do anything else I need from the ATM or home computer. I really need to check into that whole "direct deposit" thing. I never thought it would catch on.

It appears that my children, all but one anyway, would rather lose a limb than shop. I see this as true Darwinism.