Celestial Sisters Gifts AKA My New Mothership

 

This morning I made my way into Celestial Sisters Gifts and I was delighted. Our helpful clerk was Adam and he was helpful and very informed. I was impressed.

I don't make my way through our town down the main drag anymore. Traffic is too much and full of stupid drivers who think the middle turning lane is their own personal lane of transport.

I wanted to go in mainly to get white sage smudge sticks for the house... it IS spring. But... you know me... I wanted to see what stones they had. My love of mystic crystals in a joke in the family, but I have them squirreled away everywhere in my house. I'm horribly bad about charging them when they are depleted. I'm making a concerted effort to do better this year and it's somewhat of a success.

They had everything for someone interested in the mystic arts could possibly want. I was impressed by their assortment of rune stones and tarot cards, as well as their books. You could work up from avid beginner to jaded expert with their books.

They had a really good stock of components you would need for any tincture or decoction you might want to make. They had mortars and pestles, incense, and candles. They had vials and bottles for potions, well, tinctures and decoctions... potions is such an antiquated but cherished word.

Adam was opening as we drove up minutes before 10, when they open, and welcomed us in. He made some tea for my husband who has the man flu (allergies). He doesn't really get all of this, but he's interested and indulges me.

They have so much in the shop and they do readings, although I didn't check into how they book those, but I will put the address and a link to their FB page so all of you can look and see.

Yes, I bought a huge coffee mug. I was compelled.

If you're in the area, go in and take a look. Buy a jasper or amethyst.

Celestial Sisters Gifts

102 Jim Dr. 

Hewitt, TX 76643

(254) 300-4051

Evolution of Writing

 

This morning, while I was tidying up my desk in preparation of getting to work on the body of my new manuscript, I opened a drawer and found two reams of printer paper, and two toner cartridges for my laser printer that sits on a shelf, languishing with disuse.

You see, in the past, from the very beginning of my writing, I would print out each draft, mark it up with a red pen, then sit back at my desk and make corrections. It was a very long process and uncomfortable. I stopped printing things out year before last. My editors, the intrepid and eagle-eyed Stephanie and Mariko, now get digital copies where they can mark things up in the file and send back to me and I quickly make changed by reading the notes and not the whole thing all over again.

By the time my book is thrown up on the shelves of e-book retailers everywhere, I've read my book about 5-6 times all the way through. I know loads of people who don't read books twice. 

It made me stop and think about how greatly my process has changed across the board when it comes to writing and all of the collateral issues.

I have a file on a terabyte archive drive that holds nothing but story ideas. I back it up weekly. I am buying still another to store things like pictures, videos and such. I don't hoard files, but I do have a ton of programs cluttering up crap on my main operating drive. 

Last year I put out exactly one book, and it was one I'd been working on the previous year and was more or less ready to go. It was the last of my Paladin stories for a while. 

And then for a year there was nothing. I was busy being bored, playing PC games and then last fall I became ill and required surgery. Things looked really well for about two weeks and then the rug was pulled out from under me and things got worse. I got a virus and secondary bacterial infection that was not treated properly and made things ever worse.

Really worse.

One afternoon, while watching two of my grandchildren, I woke up on the floor of my kitchen with no idea how I got there. The kids, thank God, were blissfully unaware. I couldn't get up to open the garage door or the front door. I called my daughter-in-law, who works for the local constabulary, and evidently asked her to come get the kids, telling her to open to garage door with the opener in my husband's truck.

I woke up, again, on my couch with a mask over my face and people barking questions at me. My daughter-in-law thought my blood sugar had gone low. Nobody was listening to me explain. Finally, a woman EMT came in and calmly asked me questions and I told her of my problems. They tried to sit me up and again, I was passing out. Someone got my sensor reader for my glucose monitor (my cybernetic implant) and discovered, yes, her blood sugar is perfect. Let's roll!

The first thing they did, before I even got into a room was take my blood and very quickly they discovered what I'd been telling them, I'm bleeding out, you idiots. As you can probably tell, I do not have a good opinion of the medical personnel in my area. Coming from the Houston Medical Center as I do, my small town medical professionals are seen as splinters from the bottom of the barrel. 

I received two units of blood, told to take iron and another medication. I had surgery scheduled for two weeks down the road, I should be fine! Wrong. My surgeon won't touch me until my blood volume is my own and richly fortified with iron bonded to my hemoglobin. I will have it in the summer when I can easily take the time to recover with no lifting children and constantly scooping up toys to be put back into place.

During the time immediately following that, I quit playing games as I just could not sit at my desk long enough to log in much less play at all. I lay in my bed and chatting with friend in texts and discord. With everything on my PC in my office, I was watching TV and re-reading books and discovering new ones.

I began ideating. I began making notes and then outlines and re-reading the books that mattered in my Shifter series and I decided to end a story arc that started at the very first Cat Shifter book. I managed to get two outlines for the last two books in the arc, the beginnings of a new series are, and then an idea to close out an open plot from before. I made sure I made notes on everything. My poor oxygen starved brain was working overtime.

It was hard to bring together a plot line that spanned eleven books. I was entering into Nalini Singh territory and it was terrifying. I love her books, and plot and series arcs. 

I had started the last book in the arc, and then got hit with the idea for another one. I quickly wrote that one in like a week. While that one was with Stephanie and Mariko, I was finishing up the last in the arc, which I fully fleshed out while editing the previous book.

It was murder to write because it was an end, and secondly, it not a happy ending. We like happy endings, we accept happy for now endings. This one ends on a happy note, but it's clouded by the reality that Pran was correct, it was Zero Sum (title of the first book in the Shifter series) because no matter what choice he made everyone would lose by his decision, there were no winners. So, after stopping and starting and taking forever to write the last chapter, I took a tone of slim hope. I think we all needed it. 

I'm happy to be now doing all of the editing on my tablet. No more printing forever, putting it in a binder and then sitting there marking things up, no more sitting at my desk for house rewriting and fixing run on sentences. Now, I can easily sit in my recliner and not be sore and have swollen legs from sitting far too long.

I'm feeling so much better than I did just a month ago. I still tire very quickly, but everyday I'm making strides. I feel like that is our purpose. We strive, we get through, we carry on, we improve.

I hope you all think that I have improved since the first Demonworld book (please God, yes) those books were horrible. I leave them up as a lesson to myself. I've learned so much since then. 

Most of all, thanks to everyone who buys and reads my books. You don't have to, but you do and it really makes me strive to be better, to write books worthy of your money. You could easily spend it elsewhere, but you chose to grab one of my books. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Here We Go Again aka WHY?

 

So, Patch 6.3 came out this week. I jumped in with both feet, so excited to see where the story is going now that SPOILER ALERT we're done with the Ascians.

I was happily gamboling about Garlemald and the brakes were stamped upon by Yoshi P once again MAKING ME PLAY A CLASS I DONT WANT TO PLAY AT ALL by making me play as Zero, the new Mystery Box in the game.

Yeah, I would like to get to know her and braid her hair and talk about boys during a slumber party with Y'shtola and everything, but, and I have to stress this, I HAVE NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER to play a Reaper. Ever. Period. Full stop.

The only semi-melee characters I play are ranged and built on the same platform, DNC and MCH. I love Dancer and Machinist so much. I know the lore of the Reaper and yeah, it's rich but... I don't want to play one. Same as I have no desire to play Blue Mage or Red Mage for that matter. I don't want to play Summoner or Sage either.

Koji, tell Yoshi P, PLEEZE, some of us have no desire to do the up close kill. I don't like to be a tank, so I don't play one. I'm not the one to lead a dungeon or poke a monster in the ass like a Dragoon. <Insert JoCat ESTINIEN! scream here>

So, once again, I am stuck in the Main Scenario quests and cannot progress because Yoshi P is forcing me to play a Job I don't like, don't want to play and don't care enough about to learn to even get through the freakin instance.

DON'T KNOW. DON'T CARE.

Please, Koji, tell him to stop this shit.

Please, dear God, for the love of Science, just stop.

Congratulations Final Fantasy XIV! Be Very Proud

 

Last night in some game award thing (totally don't do award shows) Final Fantasy XIV won the Best Community award. Watch this video to see Yoshi's acceptance. 

Kudos. They deserve it. I've held, since my first hour in Eorzea, that the game had the nicest people playing any game I'd ever witnessed. Most players (because there's always some motherfucker trying to ice skate uphill according to Blade) have been very helpful, even at the top levels.

You know my complaints about their job/role system. To me, they are still seriously wrong, but, I have hopes that someday soon, Sages will have to start at level one and really learn how to heal.

Yoshi appears to be a very humble man who lives in his head. A lot. If you're familiar with any sort of non-verbal communication you can spot it a mile away just by looking at his eyes while he talks. 

FFXIV is the ONLY game I've witnessed that has regular info dumps for their players, and they also EXPLAIN why they do certain things. They know that face rolling retards aren't the only ones playing. Yes, Wizards of EQ, we could have used that back in the day.

Their Lodestone site has a wealth of information and they really do encourage you to explore their world by pointing in the general direction and pointing out that you only really know information if you find it yourself. You can be told, but you never really know that you know it. I really like that, despite my current grumbling about crafting.

I've run into so many people who just started their Eorzean adventure who want to be led by the hand through the game. The better to blame your decisions on the influence on someone else that is so popular in today's society. 

By design, the game forces you to do things on your own (job quests) and in others they force you to play with others (duties). There is something for everyone. You can have the best gear and still be a casual player. You can be the top Machinist in top tier raiding content and still look like you need a hair cut and a sandwich. It runs the gamut.

I am incredibly lucky in that, in the Free Company (guild) I belong to, we have several Mentors. Asra and Valtiel especially are two of the most helpful people I've run into in the game. They will stop what they are doing to help you through a problem (and get you killed when they drag you to a zone 40 levels above your own) then listen to you bitch, whine and moan when you just aren't seeing what they see. They are climbing the Savage Ladder and they will still help anyone who asks.

I like the mentor system in the game, even though a few assholes slip through because they want that crown and sword like a journalist with their Twatter blue check, but they've been few and far between.

Congrats to everyone on the FFSIV team! You all have created something quite special in this universe.

Yikes!

 

Yesterday I was leveling my MCH in FFXIV and did my last Roulette, an Alliance Raid. The RNG (which ain't so random or I wouldn't be in Dead Ends for all of my 90s every single day) chose The Dark World. It's a fun raid and to me, at least, very easy.

I was disastrously wrong, but it helped me to tease out my ponderings on the problem with FFXIV and trust me, that ain't no typo. The game is nearly perfect with the exception of nobody knowing their goddamn role in the game.

The biggest problem with MMO gamers is that they want to solo everything. People don't play MMOs to play with other people. Have you BEEN in an XBox lobby? They play to get uber shit and then show it off while standing around whatever socialization place is currently the rage in that game to have everyone oooh and aaaah over them. THAT is why they play. Or to be the top of some idiot list some moron posted trying to make themselves look like god while they touch themselves. Yeah, I'm lookin' at you.

In an FFXIV Alliance Raid, you have three groups of eight people, One tank, two healers, and five DPS. Last night, I was DPS. We had two white mages as our healers. OMFG, with a warrior tank it was like hitting the trifecta at the track, amiright? 

And then we began. It quickly became very apparent that, with the exception of the tank and myself, nobody knew WTF they were doing and weren't reading group or raid chat to find out. We had two white mages to heal our eight man party but they were too busy using their one damage spell (sorry fuckers, Aero ain't doing shit) that they let the tank and then three DPS died, then they both died. I just kept shooting at shit.

The raid leader stopped everything and chewed our healers out. They never said a word, but they were healing after that. Know your fucking role moron. You're a healer so heal. You wanna blast shit, then suffer through being a thaumaturge, bleed MP out of your eyes for no return, then become a black mage. Get your shit outta my way.

At level sixty, you should not have to be told what your role in a group is. Ever. If you do it proves you're the type of fucking retard who hangs around the Limsa aetheryte in some stupid glamor praying for the ooohs and aaaahs to validate your pathetic existence. God you're stupid.

I know a mentor in the game. Cool. collected, and knows their shit. When grouped, I tend to follow them so I know where to stand. They're mentors for a reason. They play every class, have been in all of the dungeons and raids and they are ready to help anyone who asks for it. I love them. (No, they don't have pronouns to the best of my knowledge, I am using language as it is intended to be used because I know language. Go dye your hair blue.)

Anyhoodles, and I'm sure you're not getting that I'm still mad about this, but I am. Ask yourself why I would be mad. It's a game, man. Shake it off.

I play games to clear my mind, work through problems and ideas for my writing. Discord helps me a lot. You folks in discord have no idea how you've helped. Especially you, El. Little idea generators.

I am not a mentor for a reason... several reasons. I don't like to tank, and I don't like holding hands. I won't kiss either. This is not a relationship.

If you are level sixty in a game with ninety levels and you don't know WTF you're supposed to be doing with your toon in a raid or dungeon, then dude, it's a you problem. 

Yesterday, before the stupid raid thing, I had a roulette (daily in every other game) in Stone Vigil Hard, which I am not getting every single freakin' day for some reason, along with Dead Ends. The tank, a Dark Knight, is watching the cut scene before entering the dungeon and so I know, "new Tank". My husband was doing this with his own DK for a couple of weeks, leveling them up. Then I notice the WHM who is our healer (four man dungeon) is also watching the cut scene and my stomach drops, but I'm hopeful they know their fucking role by level fifty. God I was wrong.

The tank was careful and shy, you could tell they were brand spanking new. No confidence at all. The healer kept running ahead, agroing everything and getting killed. Fuck, we couldn't get the tank to approach the mobs, but the healer was willing to kill us all.

The other DPS dropped out after the second wipe on our way to the first boss. We got a new one, so I started giving out hints as to what we should do. Until we got to the first boss and it was clear I was going to have to give instructions. I was kind, you know, the instructions any impatient tank is going to give when it's obvious they're the only one who knows Midgardsomr. What to do at what stage, where to stand and for the love of GAWD, keep the GD tank healed.

It worked and we got out. I didn't get one single commendation, but I gave one to the tank because they'd done it with someone else leading them (which is totally not the job of the DPS, trust me on this). I have to thank my mentor pal, because I used their gentle nudges in the right direction tactic to help us get through. Encouraged the tank to take smaller groupings, bullied the healer into actually healing, and blasting groups of mobs with machine gun tactics. I think the other DPS we picked up was a Dragoon. God, I love dragoons. As Corvwen says, "Just stand behind it and poke it in the ass". 

Her Titan Carbuncle stands in my face while I'm shooting and I'm shooting IT in the ass. Stupid giant pets.

So, here is my challenge to you, Gentle Reader, get out there and play. Research your job/class. Know the role you fill in any grouping and play that. Learn when you can color outside the lines and when you can't. As a healer, I'm always overjoyed to get a Warrior or Gunbreaker. It means I will get to cast (usually an AOE) and do a little damage to get us through quicker, but also to exercise those fingers pressing one and two on my keyboard instead of trying to remember which bar is CTRL and which is ALT. I kid. I always know. Except for that one time I hit Peleton instead of Devilment. Complete accident anybody could have made. It was the Fifth Circle and you appreciated it, so STFU. You made it to your cube in time.

Have fun with the game. I know! What freakin' idiot would do that. Having fun playing a game? Madness. But fun isn't fun when it's at the expense, literally, of someone else.

The past few weekends a few of us have gotten together and done Mount Runs. We make sure everyone in the party has the mount before we move one. I think one day it took nearly all day as the mount just was not dropping, but we had fun doing it... together. Since we were doing it unsynched for the low level stuff, we could plow through pretty quickly and... try out things that were unsafe regularly. It was fun and educational and we all got new mounts. Thanks Ymir. Love ya, but I won't cuddle. Lines I will not cross.

Go play!

Playing the Game and Respecting Other Classes/Jobs

 

As anyone in my FFXIV Free Company can tell you, I don't like being told how to play my toon. You don't pay my sub is a saying because it's true.

I've been playing my WHM since day one when I created my Conjurer. Conjurer turns into White Mage (WHM) at level 30. That's my job. I've spent the most time on her, done all of the MSQ through 6.1 with her (the rest was on my DNC because of her gear score). I play two classes of healer, White Mage and Astrologian.

As you can probably guess, I love healing. I've done it through many games. I dual boxed a caster and healer in EQ and WoW, Severine Wolfe and Stumpy Jeaux, and Severine and Muirneen, respectively. Not only am I damned good healer, I play a caster at the same damned time.

So, forgive me, if even eight months into the game, I don't particularly like a stupid, mitigationless tank telling me how to keep your sorry wall to wall pulling ass healed, complaining I'm spamming Medica II and never using Benediction.

WTF retard? Benediction is on a 180s timer on my GCD and I used it twice before you got us all killed.

I'm sure if I had concentrated solely on healing you, chewing through my very considerable mana pool, you would have bitched I wasn't doing any DPS.

Both of my healers are well geared and still working on it, trying to hit 600 and they are close. I stick piety on everything I can so I can regen mana faster as well as heal better. Compare and contrast.

White Mage Severine

Her base piety is 1296, and not all materia slots are filled yet. Just got new gear and haven't taken the time to get that sorted. I only use Piety and Quicktongue... more mana faster and faster spell execution. The sign of a competent healer.

My magic potency is 2440 as is my Healing Magic Potency. I really need to work on that. I'd like for it to be better. Which is why I'm grinding dungeons for better gear. Aglaia was kind to my Dancer. So I'm at one piece a week in Abyssos now.

Compare and Contrast Astrologian Severine

Because she doesn't have the WHM pants, and she seriously needs to update materia, her Piety is 1061 but look at her Attack and and Healing Magic Potency. Not far below the much better geared WHM at 2417. She heals far better in Full Parties and Raids than does her WHM better.  I rarely have to hit Lucid Dreaming with her unless I've had to be rezzed back.

Both of my healers regen MP like crazy and I love them for it. It's rare I have to pop a potion.

I will honestly say, while FFXIV is one the best communities I've yet seen in an MMO, it has it's share of assholes. They're always tanks, entitled and have never sullied their hands with any class other than tank. Hulk Smash, and it doesn't matter which sex they are. I've experienced it with both, mangina and shenis.

They don't know how to heal, never actually even tried it, just see the name of the spell floating down their screen telling them they are being healed. They have no idea that it's not the off tank or the DPS that are just under their name when/if they died or forget to keep agro. No, the healer's name is second on the list always. Hell, until the last patch, 6.2, we got agro for casting a heal over time (HOT) regen to help while they got control.

I have to say, I have been incredibly spoiled by the tanks in my Free Company (FC). Our leader and top tank are on the top tiers of Warriors in the game. I love them. They are teaching me where to put myself. Basically, unless it's a tank buster, I am joined at their hip to get through mechanics. Even for a tank buster, I'm close by and ready with a Benediction or Essential Dignity and whatever else everyone else needs.

On my WHM I get manafree heals and group heals. I also get the awesome Temperence which comes with an awesome graphic. White, electric wings? Sing me up! Plus, Liturgy of the Bell, our Lily System thing that supposed to do something I never see actually happen. 

On my AST, I get all sorts of group and raid heals, and Earthly Star... when it wants to work, independent of which ever card I draw or when I draw... It's not based on what I've cast for however long to build up lilies like the WHM and Earthly Star is now on a 60s timer. So is the awesome Collective Unconscious... best HOT dome in the game IMHO. Ever better than the WHM Asylum, with a smaller radius.

Get under my dome or you will remain unhealed!

I didn't even try to tell the gormless twit Dark Knight trying to tell me what I should be casting and when. I don't know his class, and fully willing to admit it outright. So I merely recommended we do smaller pulls at this juncture in a particular dungeon since he obviously didn't understand the small bit of mitigation he had pulling ten or twelve very heavy hitting MOBs. Then my partner from my FC agreed and said we were in no hurry.

We were summarily kicked from the instance by the pouty, angry toddler playing way above his understanding of the game. The real kicker? The dude is a MENTOR.

Drink that in.

If I'm having a hard time healing in a dungeon, my FC tanks will either slow down or ask me what the problem is. They want to get through it without a heavy repair bill just like anyone else. I've never felt the need to give them a verbal atomic wedgie or force me to call them an idiot when they don't get a clue from my initial suggestion. We talk it out, laugh and move along.

I know that there are times Kyrian has probably been screaming at his screen... "WHY ARE YOU PLANTED?" Because I'm yelling it at myself. My husband, on the other end of the house is yelling it at me. But, he's always suggested what I should do, shown me how to do it. I'm slow, but I am improving. 

Also, FFXIV is the first MMO where I've healed where I'm also expected to do damage while the shit for brains tank is over-pulling.  My husband is just learning to tank. He announces he's a new tank in every instance and he goes slowly, and methodically, because unlike me, he doesn't do a ton of roulettes or help a lot of others out when he's on call because he can't commit the time. Recently, he's opened up a ton more dungeons on all levels and he's learning on his Ninja, trying to get through the MSQ. When I can. I heal for him. Everyone in our FC is great about grouping up to help people trying to get through content and most importantly, to teach.

Our FC co-leader, Mei, plays a WHM and AST and I pick her brain whenever I get the chance. She's a busy woman, so I try to keep from bugging her. We're both trying to gear up for what's coming in 6.3. She has been great in answering my questions about drawing cards and getting god damned Blood Lily to bloom so I can set down my Liturgy of the Bell.

If I don't know, I ask. If what I've been doing has been working, I presume that IT'S WORKING WELL.

I don't tell my husband how to play his Dark Knight, his Gunbreaker or his Paladin. He just tells me to move in a dungeon. He has tried to play casters and just doesn't like it. We all have our druthers, don't we? I don't tell any DPS class how to play it. I may wonder something, but I ask them later or a person in my FC who plays that class what was going on, so I understand it better.

I also love how people will tell my DNC who to dance with. If I know one of the DPS I'll dance with them... if I don't I flip a coin in a full group or raid. In a light party, I don't have too much of a choice. With that said, I have been asked, in some RAIDS, by a tank, to dance with them.

Dancing with another person in your group doesn't mean you're waltzing around the platform. No, it links my buffs and heals with them so they can do a little more, and it boosts me as well. Devilment and Tilana are so very nice with a partner. The Batman Bandaid of Curing Waltz... sometimes it gets you through.

I've yet to have anyone tell me which of my weaponskills I should use, when or how. Ever. I've merely been asked to partner with someone and I was good with it. It's why I fled to my DNC for 6.2 because I was tired of having people who had no idea how to heal tell me HOW TO HEAL. 

Do I tell you which weapon to use? I may suggest tank stance (only one time and I just called out to my husband) or when to provoke, do I? Even when I'm getting gnawed on because I cast regen? No. I don't play a tank. I don't know what you have, what you can do and frankly, I'm too busy paying attention to health bars to see which skills you're using or how much damage you're doing. I sure as hell notice when you're using your mitigation skills.

If you are a learning tank, I have no problem with you taking it slow. I don't go into a dungeon unless I have the time. And here is the thing, I'm learning the dungeon and mechanics right along with you. Suddenly, I'm looking at it from new eyes and learning new things. 

Imagine that.

Don't Bitch If You're the Problem

Final Fantasy XIV is not the first MMO to try to balance groups and such. They are just the first ones who made it a condition of doing what you need to do and learn to work with other classes. It's one of the best ideas I've yet seen in the instancing system in any game. That's when everyone is level and gear synched, making all things equal. You can do them unsynched, but you don't get the kudos and goodies that you do when you play by Square Enix's rules.

Surprisingly, I have no problem with that on any level.

Typically, you're going to be in a four man "Light Party". You have a tank (damage dealer, damage taker), a healer (keeps the tank and everyone else alive), and two DPS (damager per second). They are the ones who keep up a steady input of damage on the MOB (mobile object) or MOBs without taking agro away from the tank and hopefully not requiring a ton of attention from the healer in a big fight. Tank and healer are always the top two on the MOB Hate list. Tank because they're hitting the monster and Healer because they're keeping the Tank alive. DPS are supposed to slip and slide in and out of that list to keep things equal.

Here's the thing and I noticed this right out of the bucket when I was of a level to do instances, or Duties. Being a healer, I never waited for a group. If my husband was on his ninja or whatever they are called at low levels, we got in almost before we hit the join button. DPS screams about waiting for duties, but here's something that tells me they don't play tanks or healers, most of the times we're held up because DPS don't check in and join the Duty and you have to cycle in and out until you can get a full group together. Without fail, it's DPS holding up the whole train.

They bitch about wait times. Then they don't bother to join up when we have enough DPS to get things going.

In a Full Party it's One Tank, Two Healers, and four DPS. In a Raid it's two Tanks, two Healers and four DPS. In an Alliance Raid it's three Full parties and you're designated by the letter of your group, A, B, or C.

You will spend more time waiting for picky DPS to join up than you will finding a Tank or Healer.

But they bitch and whine. They bitch and whine when it's their fault.

I have one high level DPS at this moment. I may level up another if I find a fun class. My Dancer is awesome and in a Full Party the other night, I out damaged the tank AND out healed the healers. Because I was dancing with the tank and it was beautiful. I've had to wait for duties with her, but not for very long. I have more fun with my dancer than I ever have with my two healers.

My husband plays a Ninja and he has fun with it. We both have Red Mages, but at this point in the game, we're just trying to get through the Main Scenario Quests so we can relax into the game and just worry about working up to Savage and Bat Shit Insane Dungeons.

I can't tell you how many times I've sat around just cycling through players as we try to get enough DPS to fucking check in. It's ALWAYS DPS. The slot that fills up fastest? Healers. Always.

So, if you're playing FFXIV, please just pay attention.

The Myth That Women WANT to Work Outside the Home

 

I wrote an article this past winter about Traditional Wives. That one heralds the emotions behind our decision for me to stay home. This post is about the political reasons. 

Because I'm a bitch. I've yet to be called a cunt by anyone whose opinion is give a damn about, so take that into account as you read.

In the 70s, Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan marched about shouting for women's freedom from the drudgery of being a housewife. Millions of women went into the workforce and politicians in state and federal legislatures fapped to all of the new tax dollars they could spend. They fapped hard and often. It was orgasmic to them. Trust me on this. there is a reason they deride traditional women. Less tax dollars means less money to give to people for votes or use of the US dollar.

In the mid-80s, when I began spawning demons, there was a great myth of the Super Mom, who could work 60 hours a week and still take care of her home, children and husband. She put her kids in the middle, and then whined about having to take time to get them to doctor's appointments, sick days, and stuff like that. They complained about taking care of their kids.

As a result, most marriages failed utterly and completely because she was so busy taking care of her, she forgot her helpmate, her husband. Don't even begin to try to tell me that I'm wrong about this. I lived it. I watched marriages break apart left and right and my own did as well. They all had different reasons, and no one had clean hands completely, but it showed a trend that continued until now.

Every single woman I've worked with, even the degreed professionals, have decried their ability earn their income and still take care of the kids and watch them grow. Day Care and babysitters were doing that. As a result we wound up with Millennials and Gen Z. It's what has been called, in the psychological world as the Day Care Syndrome. They would have to cry and scream for attention from uncaring "care takers" and figured this was the way in life. Parents felt guilty for leaving their children to be raised by perfect strangers they didn't discipline them and voila! Antifa and BLM retards.

They were taught in government indoctrination centers, AKA public schools, that only white people were bad, white men in particular, and therefore your worth in society was based on a stock of oppression and victimhood. It's why everyone is a victim. They believe being a victim gives them virtue.

No. It just makes you a pathetic victim. I've had a ton of shit happen to me. I am no one's victim. Have I been victimized? Yeah. Is that the ONLY thing about me that is any good? No. I've overcome that shit and forgotten most of it. Why? Because I've got a life to live and it's way too short to think about that shit all fucking day long.

There are two women, in particular, who come to mind when I think about professional women. They are both doctors that I've worked for. They both had nannies, were divorced, remarried and knew, to the moment, what their kids were doing. The Nanny or au pair were doing all the work, but they were proud they knew their schedules. They really had no idea whatsoever, what their kids were truly doing. Anyone who talked to the care takers knew. I cannot imagine missing my child's crawling, first solid foods, first steps. I can, really, because I have with all but my last child. It's why I care for my grandkids. I heard horror stories from my kids about babysitters and day care centers.

Politicians want women to work so they can collect the income taxes to give to their cronies. When you do the math, and I've done it over and over, when you take in all of the costs of working, against what you bring home in salary, you really CAN'T afford to work.

When we began saving up and working on our credit score to buy a house, we retrenched like a freakin' starving lordling in Regency London. They kids still laugh about constantly eating Hamburger Helper and Top Ramen. When we had all four at home I was working. When the boys went off to the Marines, I went back to work. We budgeted and lived on our household budget spreadsheet. We tracked bills, always looking for ways to cut back on utilities. We rented a house, and the thought of owing money to a bank for our mortgage froze me in my tracks. I'm too Scottish for that shit.

My husband took all of this on. He just showed me houses and it took two years for us to agree on one. We bought one across the street from his parents' house. He was not thrilled, I was. I loved his parents. He did all of the money stuff and I bought insurance. Yeah, big help there. Because on the day before signing, the insurance agent tried to double the premium. My husband called me at work. I called our own insurance company about homeowners and we got a better deal, because we already had car insurance with them. This was before the huge bundling push. We got even better rates then. We use the quarterly offers we get in the mail to go over our premium price.

I went to the signing and signed where I needed to and we were officially home owners. You know what's funny? Even though we were paying more than we had in rent, we had more money than ever before. More disposable income to fix things in a house that had sat empty for years while the owners dithered on selling it.

We based the payment of the mortgage each month on my salary alone. I was making good money. Even when I changed jobs working less hours for less money, and still got tons of overtime and commissions, we had no problem. It was a horrible place to work. After our youngest got married and moved out, I quit and began writing books that were trapped in my head. We were still able to afford everything we wanted and needed. Even with less income. 

How? Our taxes went down considerably without my income. I wasn't driving as often. No clothes going to the cleaners, no eating out for lunch. So many things stack up when you work outside your home. You have to buy work clothes, they have to be laundered, cleaned, whatever. Time is your most precious commodity, and you never, ever have any.

My laundry stays caught up. I rarely have more than four loads a week, and usually just three. My grocery bill is high right now and our gas costs are low, thank God, because we rarely drive to do more than go to the grocery store. We still budget like we're flat broke, but we are making it. Even though we're stuck with eating lots of chicken as the price of beef is astronomical. I wanted to get two pounds of ground beef to make Nasi Goreng and the cost was more than buying a steak. No lie.

If women pulled out of the workforce, if they chose to, yes, your family would have to retrench. It's not a dirty word. You'll have to eat things that are not top shelf, stop eating out so much, and stay at home more often. Thanks to the pioneering efforts of Hollywood fan shaming, our entertainment budget is limited to a Prime Membership and two Final Fantasy XIV account. No other streaming because we don't watch TV and there is nothing out there I even look forward to seeing. I might think about a Daily Wire membership because they are making good movies.

You CAN do it, you just don't want to. You want to stay home and not pay a price for it. You pay, but in the end, your reward is beyond description. Trust me, when you have grandkids, you see and so do your kids.

Getting to The End of Game in Endwalker

 

I began playing Final Fantasy XIV on January 23, 2022. I was bored and an MMO of any flavor that was fun to play according to anyone I talked to sounded right up my alley. It took me DAYS to get the game installed and credentialed because... Steam sucks and Square Enix isn't user friendly. They make great games, suck at implementing decent customer support. Video games... I'm used to this shit. I endured Sony for how long?

Anyway, I started playing with my husband and it's not an easy game to learn, even if you've played MMOs before. And if you're a console gamer? Well, it's better than Waiting Rooms on any given platform.

I found the people to be incredibly helpful and genuinely happy to help. I got into a guild recommended by a friend who had raided with us in WoW a bazillion years ago and has since moved on to some stupid Star Wars game. The guild, or Free Company, is small and mostly not chatty, unless you're doing things together. Get us into voice chat and no one shuts their mouths. It's fantastic. I love it.

I'm almost at max level on the White Mage I play, my main in any other game. She started out as a conjurer and then at level 30 became a White Mage, no real path there. She's a pure healer. Demand she do damage in a dungeon and you'll see tanks drop faster than a hooker on Nickel Night until they get the idea and pay the repair bills. 

I probably would be 90 already if I refuse to game like I used to, to the exclusion of everything else. I can easily take a week off. I get stuck on things for days at a time. And now we will get into the things I hate about the game... besides crafting which is beyond retarded and horrifically expensive. The price for food and potions in the game cannot be understood until you try to make your own. Then it makes sense.

The first thing that needs to be explained is that you have several types of quests but the ones you should concentrate on are the Main Scenario Quests. Yes, with the exception of your class and job quests, to the exclusion of everything else. Trust me, you will not hurt in the XP department at all. 

Remember, the only rule I have about playing a game is pick a class, and learn that class to the utmost level, so you know your spells and skill almost reflexively. THEN play alts and learn something new. And we get into my biggest pet peeve about the game. TOO MANY CLASSES GOING ON.

The first time I was offered to learn another class, which I would play on the toon I was already leveling, was at level 50 when I was offered a level 30 Astrologian (healer, which I was already playing as a White Mage), Samurai, Dark Night, Red Mage and something else, I can't remember, but it may have been Blue Mage or Dark Mage.

It's very hard to learn a game inside and out so that you're halfway decent at it. In that regard I love the Daily Roulette Duties to level these jobs (yes, that's what they call them). However, I've yet to meet precious few people who are expert at their class because they're playing too many others. Right now my White Mage is doing all of the MSQ. She's 87 and just started into Endwalker Content with my level 83 Dancer doing all of the side quests while also doing daily duties to level along. My Astrologian is 62 and takes her turn on days where I choose to phone a dungeon in and just hit regen and heal, or my Red Mage who I've just begun to enjoy. However, I would love to drop all of that and just concentrate on my White Mage. I want to know her ins and outs and everything about her healing power and frankly, I'm never given the chance to do so. So I'm almost face rolling any given encounter because I just need to keep the tank alive so we all live through it. All while being yelled at to also do damage. Yeah. Not cool. I'm a pure healer motherfucker, STFU and punch something.

It gets confusing because of the gear you haul around in your armory, that you're almost constantly having to clear out because of running dungeons and trying hard to keep track of who is wearing what. I actually hate it very much. I've accidentally sold so much gear I have been keeping for a lower level job. It seriously pisses me off.

Now, we will get into my biggest gripe about the game and one that I think the developers should seriously think about going ahead.

Letting the player play as one of the other hero NPCs in the game. I came upon this POS, worst idea ever in Shadowbringers when I was required, to advance in the Main Scenario Quest, or MSQ, to play as Thancred, a known rogue and in this instance, a Gun Breaker, to be honest, an awesome class that I love almost as much as Warriors. Here's the thing, I don't play melee classes for a reason. I really RILLY suck at it and in this game it's the Tanks that lead every single dungeon encounter.

I managed to get through that duty, as the encounters are called, and prayed I'd not have to do this again. I was warned I would, but what do they know? They've only ever played the game longer and better than I. Upstarts!

And then I got to the end of the Shadowbringers content and have to play as Estinien... another fucking melee class known as a Dragoon.

Looks cool, right? Must be so much fun to play. Not so much. It took me about 13-15 tries to get it and only because I let my husband sit at my desk and do it for me because he knows melee. At that point he was yelling because... You get to play the max level for the expansion, which was 80, and you only get a few of their abilities to fight with, none of which are adequately explained unless you're like me and haunt the wiki and watch videos about dungeon mechanics.

I STILL wasn't done with this shit. No, the final fight just before Endwalker content begins you have to play as no less that four other NPCs and use their classes and handful of talents. It's why I began clothing my Red Mage, I got to play Alisae and I want to play a pure caster. Stupid me, she's not a pure caster, she's a battle mage.

Alisaie and Alphinaud Leveilleur, Elezen twins are like my little brother and sister. I adore them. However, I don't want to play them and have like 4 of their abilities and an itty bity heal and no control over familiars or pets.

I will state this firmly. I don't like playing classes I've already decided not to play for the very good reason that I suck at them. Please take heed Square Enix, it's super pissing me off. I'm once again stuck because I can't figure out how to play Thancred as a sneaky thief just to I can advance one more rung in this game. 

Now, on to the good stuff. Dungeons. Who doesn't love dungeon crawling? I live for it. I love that you can't really grind by killing stuff other than what's in your quests log. Too many games spent camping an area for XP is what made me quit playing altogether, but if I can't get to 90 through MSQ then screw your stupid game forcing me to do things I already chose NOT to do.

The dungeon mechanics ramp up as you level and right now, after being dragged through Tower of Zot on regular, all I can say is I never want to do Hard, Extreme, or Bat Shit Insane. When you are constantly AOEing the players, giving casters no safe ground to cast, you are almost demanding a wipe. They do offer the opportunity to go through the dungeons after level 60 with the NPC cohort of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn to help you learn mechanics. Even then, at the Tower of Zot, I think I spied Alisaie just shrug and die. It's why I watch a ton of videos and go through with the Trusted Companions, just to learn where to stand. 

At the level I am now, when I do random dailies, I've gotten to know the lower level dungeons so well now, I may let my Paladin out. He's fantastic! A Hrothgar Paladin. Too bad the armor models suck for the race, which is only male right now.

I griped about the crafting and it's a legit bit of grief. You spend so much time and money on it, just like in any other MMO, but the horror of this is that so much of what you do is absolutely dependent on other professions. Gatherers like Botanists or Miners is really easy, and there are no limits to how many you can practice. However, there are clothes and tools for EACH ONE. And again, I mention this, only so much armory space.

I would love to take up cooking just so I could afford to eat instead of waiting for a serious dungeon run. Potions? OMFG just send in an arm and leg to whomever made it. 

I don't complain because I'm not taking the time, energy, or gil (Eorzean money) to even look into it. Screw that, it's easier to head to any market and grab something off the board. Plus, it's way too easy to earn money in the game. Unless you're an armor whore, then you deserve to go broke and if you're into all the glamoring and
dying... get a fucking Barbie already.

There are too many other things to do in the game. They have events pretty often, which change from year to year (Hello, Blizzard, I'm looking at you). Also, there are several dungeons that I'm going to suggest we do as a guild just to stop and take a look instead of just plowing through mobs to get to the end. There is a Library from Heavensward that I desperately want to go through slowly, read stuff and just observe. Same thing with several cities I've not bothered to really tour, just going where I needed to go to get the content done.

Now, here's the real reason I love the game so much. Those of you who have known me a long time, and I've been MMO gaming for over 20 years, I love the story. It was hard to get immersed in EQ because it was all over the place. WoW had so much history and lore and you were almost forced to explore that for achievements in game to learn the history of the lands you were living in, and fighting for. If there is any more compelling story than that of Arthas Menithil and Sylvanus I've yet to see it. Until now.

These stories in each Main Scenario has made me cry. I wept buckets when I thought the Sultana had been killed. I worried when my cohort were split apart and it was just me and Alphie fighting on with little Tataru helping us as she could. I wanted to die when Papalimo sacrificed himself so that Eorzea would be safe. Knowing he'd gone into the fight always knowing what the outcome would be.

And the biggest baddie, the man I hated through two expansions, Emet-Selch. So torn by his story and hating what he was willing to do to avoid dealing with reality. Then I killed him, knowing he was the last of his kind and his parting words...

Remember... Remember us... Remember that we lived.

I broke down at my desk and wept like a baby. In those few words, I suddenly saw what drove him to the horrors he had perpetrated on so many. He didn't want to be forgotten, his people to be forgotten. You can understand, but forgiveness? Nah, the crimes are too many and too horrible. However, he's not the last, there are two more but they are no longer whole or save. When he gives up on the next to last one, about to be killed by your hand, and he just turns his back and does that off hand wave of his hand... I actually giggled just before we offed the guy. I will never like him, but there is a grudging respect given for his purity of vision. However, you guys know me, I can never forgive the inability to accept reality, and in the end, that's what really got him.

So, here I am, The Warrior of Light... which always makes me laugh, but I watched my boys play Final Fantasy often enough to respect the title, and I'm having the time of my life. I spent the afternoon yesterday with a guild mate, Amber Payne, who had me laughing so hard when we got to a duty where we couldn't click out of the cut scenes. It was three chicks and one guy, the healer, and he didn't say a word as we spent the interminable time cracking wise about the male Scions and how none of us would kick Gaius van Belsar out of bed as long as he was out of his Garlean armor. Then we all swooned over Thancred and Estinien (too pouty for my taste, but a fellow Elezen). I waxed poetic about Urianger's build once he was out of those robes. Holy shit, Elezen hotness. The poor lone man in the group just kept laughing at us and left the group with a jaunty, "Thank you, ladies". It was probably some kid who was embarrassed to his toenails.

I love the game and how immersive the story line is. Just stop making me play a class I don't want to play with none of the good shit they get to do. If I want to play a Rogue/Ninja/Shinobi, I'll roll one up, Same goes for Gunbreaker.

Look up the game if you're not playing. Be sure to go through the classes, how they start, how they branch and all of that. I just jumped in thinking it couldn't hold my interest long, but it did and I lucked into having chosen a pure caster class Conjurer. I like playing a caster. Even my Pally in WoW was a healadin, who was the lone player standing when we took Arthas down finally. Bubble up baby!

I play on the Malboro server, same name as always, Severine Wolfe. Come join us for fun. I'll be all to happy to heal up and bandaid your booboos. See you in game.

In Passing

 Two weeks ago, my father in law collapsed and had just enough power to call 911, not remembering our quick dial number on his land line phone. He never had a cell phone.

Two weeks ago this coming Wednesday, he died. It had given all of his grandchildren and most great-grandchildren, to say goodbye as we sat vigil in his hospice room.

A week ago tomorrow, we buried him. It was family only and just a short reading of some things he'd written. A lot of tears were shed.

My husband, a man I love beyond the bounds of reason, was hit very hard by his father's death. They had the kind of relationship that should be the standard for a father and son. The spoke at least one a day, most often more, even when they were disagreeing with on another. They were very close and enjoyed their weekly trips to the grocery store as doing something together as well as their social outlet. The Saturday following his death was miserable for my husband. 

That's going to last awhile. At least until we get back in the habit of grocery shopping together again. It's been five years, so it's not going to be anytime soon.

The happiest part was going through old photos for the video that played during the visitation at the funeral home. Friends and almost the entire neighborhood came by to say their goodbyes. It was bittersweet because my husband and his sister had so much emotion behind the moment recorded on film, that we digitized almost five years ago. Our nephew found some of the best. He was very close to his grandfather. 

The one thing almost every single person who had known them said was "He's with his sweetheart", meaning my mother in law who died five years ago.

Now, I will get with the honesty most expect from me. My father in law and I did not get along. I was a woman who didn't bend to his will and I never would. Not because he was Pater Familias, but because I thought he was wrong. It started when we announced our engagement and he cursed in Dutch and walked out of the room, but it continued throughout the twenty-two years of our marriage.

I found him to be very wrongminded and didn't mind at all saying I thought so. My mother in law rarely gainsaid him, just to keep the peace. He would refuse to speak to her for weeks if she did so. I continually needled him if he tried that shit with me. I wasn't going to say I was wrong when I knew I was right. I wouldn't let him think he was right when he was so clearly wrong.

When my mother in law died, he ignored all of her wishes for how she wanted her funeral, wanting cremation, etc., and did what he wanted. My resentment, over the years, grew to be almost a living thing when I was around him. I loved my mother in law so much.

His using my husband as a punching bag, emotionally, once his wife was dead, threw that resentment into heights not yet experienced by a human being without a murder or serious bodily injury being done.

Why? Why had I put up with it when I had never had any caution in opposing him before?

Because he was my husband's father and my husband's problem to deal with. Also, the man had dementia. Both of his kids worked hard to get it under control and they did the best they could. Being the way he was had a lot to do with a disease that is not treatable, not curable. It is just endured.

IMHO my husband and his sister are saints for the work they have done for the past five years in caring for their father. They both stepped up and got conservatorship over him to care for his finances and health. My husband set up bill paying and would go over the reports from his portfolio folks to guide that as well. Both of them... BOTH OF THEM... worked tirelessly to make sure their dad got the best care he would allow without a physical fight, including infusion treatments. Neither had any idea how greatly I admire them for their labor of love.

As much as I resented the way the man treated me and sometimes my husband, I loved him because he raised two people who I love very much and I find to be two of the greatest people I know and love. I loved the way he would always say goodbye to me when talking on the phone to my husband. He always had something to say when we were separating groceries after their shopping trips. 

Ever since he retired he wanted to get a pet. My mother in law always said no, and I supported her even though we had a houseful of rescued animals. After she died, he wanted it, but knew he could barely take care of himself much less another living thing. He wanted our dog Apollo to come to him, be the typical dog, but Apollo was always skittish like he is around anyone who isn't us. But my cat, Gimli, loved to strop his ankles and get petted by him. He was always trying to get my husband's Norwegian Forest cat to come to him, but hell, she doesn't even do that for us. We're staff, not companions.

My daughter in law would stop by his house often, when she came over, so she could visit and he always enjoyed the kids. Lord, how that man melted around a baby. My grandchildren adored him as well.

I am sad because I know my husband is mourning the passing of his father. I'm mourning the passing of his father. It shows we both respected the man, for different reasons. I don't have the memories my husband and his sister have. I didn't experience his paternal love, but I got an offshoot of that. I hurt because my husband hurts. I need to be there when it all hits him. So far, for both of us, it's at different times, for different reasons.

We went to the grocery store yesterday, together, for the first time in almost five years. I took him to a different store. It helped both of us and we spoke of their trips together and how much my husband valued that time with his father. I'm glad they had that.

The Axiom

 I have had a rule, most of my adult life. If you do the wrong thing, odds are you were either too stupid and/or too lazy to do the right thing.

This axiom has proved true on all occasions the opportunity has been called forward to be judged. Also, I hold myself to this standard every single time I screw up, and yes, it happens more often than I like.

My husband is not stupid, but he's lazy. Same with my kids, so I got to observe this phenomenon on an almost hourly basis over the past 36 years. Trust me, I have a shit tonne of data to back up my hypothesis. More than the climate screamers, that's for sure.

My husband thrives in filth and clutter. This is after telling me, when he moved in with me, that he's a neat freak. No, his mother was a neat freak, he's an unobservant slob. He has so slobbed up his shop area in the garage because he simply cannot be arsed to clean up stuff. He just throws it down, wherever, and moves on to what he wants to do, rather than what must be done. Who cares how you find a wrench in the lawn? It eventually gets found, right? Or the TV remote. You can find both with the mower, why are you getting so pissed?

My oldest son and my youngest daughter are the laziest people I've ever seen in my life... and I used to work with the indigent. Yes, Virginia, most poor people are too lazy to work. I wish I didn't have to get up in the morning and earn a living, too. They will go to the most dire of extremes to get out of something as simple as picking up a wet towel. They are, in a word, disgusting.

It's when the excuse time comes about that you see how true my axiom is. Now, if anyone would just shrug and say, "I was too lazy to <insert ignored chore here>." I could be okay with that. It's honest. What drives me nuts is the excuses and extremes lazy people go to instead of just doing what they should.

If you have enough brain power and energy to make that shit up, you have the power and energy to perform the action needed to correct your error. Shut up and pick up the damned towel.

Let me demonstrate further, because I had to live with his, so should you. In our kitchen is a trash can. You understand, things you can no longer you, that are refuse can be placed in there, and eventually a larger bin and picked up, at least weekly by your local municipality to be put into a landfill, compacted and covered with dirt and sold to a housing developer or golf course developer.

If you are in a forward thinking town or city, you also have a well functioning recycle program. You can recycle a shit tonne of things. We have two huge garbage bins, and one huge recycle bin. We need another recycle bin because we recycle everything our Recycle Coach (available on Android and iOS) that tells us what your Refuse Company recycles. Paper and aluminum are the ONLY items we humans can currently economically recycle. Glass and plastics, no. Just ask why you can't recycle your plastic grocery bags any longer. China.

We also compost. We compost a lot. I have a sign on my kitchen compost bin, no cooked food, no meat, no dairy (except egg shells). I also have a small bin to put things in that is eventually emptied into the huge recycle bin... when there is room. Yet, I find most things on the kitchen counter and dining table rather than put into the trash bin, literally just two feet away, or the recycle bin, just open the garage door and toss it in.

I mean, he opens that door often enough to go out and smoke, what's the issue? No, by all means, the cleaning fairies will pick it up and take care of it for them. Right? RIGHT?

Nope. Because every clean horizontal surface MUST be junked up. Someone comes and cleans it up so they eat at the table, right? Nah, I'll just eat at my desk if it's junked up. Oh, look, my desk is full of trash... I'll open the tail gate on my trunk and eat dinner there, looking out on how I Bumpassed up my own damned yard and will only clean it up when the city complains. It doesn't help that his bestie and neighbor thinks the exact same way.

"Cut my grass? I don't have a ticket from the Code Enforcement Officer yet."

"Why the hell should I do anything on bulk Trash day, it all erodes outside anyway?"

"Call the mower repair shop, I need to take the blade in again. But hey! I found the socket set I was looking for."

It doesn't help when you have pets, either. Don't ask. We have a dog and four cats, two of which are ours, and cleaning up after the cats alone (the cats who do not belong to me, BTW) is a full time job.

Evidently, cleaning up after them comprises of "throw a paper towel over the mess, the cleaning faeries will clean it up". I want a pair for fucking wings and I want to glow.

I don't forget to get my driver's license renewed for two years. I don't forget I have to pay tickets off or go to defensive driving for a ticket. I make messes, I clean them up. If I make something I have to tend, I tend to it. I don't forget about it, and yet brag about it to everyone I know, so they know I did something. 

I don't get pets or have children I shuffle off to others to care for and raise because it seemed like a good idea at the time, but I just don't want to get up and take care of them.

I don't continually promised to do anything but bake bread and then assiduously avoid doing it. Because I know the hassle of doing so is worse than just doing the damned job.

I'm too stupid to think of decent excuses and too lazy to clean up a bigger mess.

The Trad Wife Myth

 

I have to say I have been more than a little amused by the reaction to the role of the traditional wife in society.  It's hilarious when I compare what the Leftist see as traditional compared to reality.

I am what most on the Left would consider a traditional wife. I quit working for other people and stayed home to write books. My husband and I have been married over twenty years. Most of them I worked. We both take care of the house, but I cook and do the laundry almost exclusively. He pitches in as he can if I am sick or injured because I am the clumsiest woman on earth. Yes, I broke and dislocated two ribs playing with my dog.

I cook, I bake, I garden. I take care of him because he takes care of me. It is a mutual agreement between the two of us. He works very hard, for long hours and he has a hot meal when he gets home and clean clothes to gad about in. I have the assurance that we won't be starving and threadbare because he's too stupid and/or lazy to make sure we can pay our mortgage.

We take care of each other. I worked for years and always felt that I wasn't taking care of things at home. He wanted me to stay home, as his mother had. She earned money doing alterations and being a seamstress. Her sewing was gifted. I inherited her sewing machine which I have no idea how to use. I'd like to get to know and am seriously thinking of enrolling in a sewing class this summer.

He takes care of the cars, the lawn, and home maintenance. My husband is not stupid, but his mind is that of a man... what if I just did this? It's backfired spectacularly more times than it hasn't. It's funny, I laugh at him just as hard as he does when I managed to mangle myself by simply getting out of bed. Honestly, I think he wants to put me in bubble wrap and leave the medical bills behind. I love it.

He also does the stuff in the garden that I want to do, only after he fails with his stupid ideas. I let him, make fun, nag, and then we do it the way it should be done. Evidently, growing up on a farm and tending the garden most of my life gives me no special knowledge of how to care for plants, but he watched YouTube video so he knows shit. Yes, that's what I put up with. This is how my greenhouse wound up under three shade trees. Yes, plants need shade.

What can I say, some do. He is moving said greenhouse as his special lesson this Spring. It's good for him to learn that things in his head can be wrong. I know, he's had a TON of examples, but he's Dutch, so...

Does this mean he doesn't realize what I do? Yeah, until he has to do it for himself, then suddenly my being a Tetris master makes sense after doing the dishes. He has new respect for how I do the laundry and we never have wrinkled clothes with my ever touching an iron.

Because of the state of my joints, he has to sweep and mop, which is why I got a ton of new Bissell products this Spring. I love them all. Trust me, once you use a steam mop, you will never do it any other way. The CrossWave has been a life saver as we have a Husky and four cats, only two of which are ours. Yes, my man buys me any appliance I want.

We bought a new oven four years ago. It was a Whirlpool, which I was not thrilled about because they do not honor their extended warranties. It broke down and sure enough, four years is more than long enough for you to own any large, expensive appliance. Sure. Fine. 

Appliance guy, show me ANYTHING but Whirlpool.

The Man went shopping online, comparing and contrasting and found an oven with a proofing feature, which we need in our air conditioning.  We had crazily thought about installing a proofing drawer until this function appeared before our bedazzled eyes. My man wants home made bread, hot out of the oven slathered with butter and honey, that's what the hell he gets. Along with the chocolate chip cookies he and the kids love. It's the one time they will visit. One post on social media that I'm cooking and they're here like a shot with the one living out of town demanding I FedEx them overnight immediately.

I take care of him because I love him. He takes care of me because he loves me. Does this mean we never disagree? See my comments on the greenhouse and gardening for a reality check on that. We do, but it is not the end of us.

I want him to be happy, he wants me to be happy. OMFG! We're not adversaries ready to rip one another in public and court. How can I call myself a woman?

Easily, because I'm doing what I want to do. I want to take care of my family. I watch two of my grandchildren so they are not put into infant and toddler warehouses, known as day care. Another is watched by his maternal grandmother. Because we love our grandkids. We love our families and want them to be happy and healthy. Hell, my grandkids gave me COVAIDS just before Christmas. None of got to spend it together. My husband was around all of us at one time or another and he's the ONLY one who didn't get it. He got to deliver the presents to houses.

My grandkids then gave me RSV or Respiratory syncytial Virus, which was so much worse than COVAIDS had been.  It took me about six weeks to recover from that. While watching them and coughing constantly.

I love watching them, knowing they are with someone who loves them, knows them, and actually cares for them. I think that the three grandchildren who are watched by loving grandmothers are much happier for it. My daughter who lives away from us wished she could stay home with her son until COVAIDS closed her offices and she had to work from home. Suddenly her son's pre-school was her favorite place and she mourned the closing down of the city she lives in. She loved working from home with a feral three, then four year old running around wild. Everybody did because no day cares were open. She had a baby in the Time of COVID. She's still working from home and she loves and hates the baby going to day care. She missed the time with her kids, but she loves that she can concentrate on her work.

I remember that. Feeling conflicted because you work hard so you can provide for your kids and families. Because I love my kids, I wanted them to be happy, and finding out they weren't for much of their childhood was a blow.

When you love someone you want them to be happy. You will do things to make them happy, because it makes YOU happy. Not things that harm or degrade you. Never accept someone who's happiness can only be purchased with your misery.

That is the very foundation of being a traditional wife. There is joy, for most women, to be found in caring for their families. Ask those around you who are willing to go against the NOW Party line. Liberation is realizing you can do what's best for you. Plus, if you don't work, Momma Gubmint don't get tax dollahs to give billions to Ukraine of Pakistani Gender Role studies.