The Axiom

 I have had a rule, most of my adult life. If you do the wrong thing, odds are you were either too stupid and/or too lazy to do the right thing.

This axiom has proved true on all occasions the opportunity has been called forward to be judged. Also, I hold myself to this standard every single time I screw up, and yes, it happens more often than I like.

My husband is not stupid, but he's lazy. Same with my kids, so I got to observe this phenomenon on an almost hourly basis over the past 36 years. Trust me, I have a shit tonne of data to back up my hypothesis. More than the climate screamers, that's for sure.

My husband thrives in filth and clutter. This is after telling me, when he moved in with me, that he's a neat freak. No, his mother was a neat freak, he's an unobservant slob. He has so slobbed up his shop area in the garage because he simply cannot be arsed to clean up stuff. He just throws it down, wherever, and moves on to what he wants to do, rather than what must be done. Who cares how you find a wrench in the lawn? It eventually gets found, right? Or the TV remote. You can find both with the mower, why are you getting so pissed?

My oldest son and my youngest daughter are the laziest people I've ever seen in my life... and I used to work with the indigent. Yes, Virginia, most poor people are too lazy to work. I wish I didn't have to get up in the morning and earn a living, too. They will go to the most dire of extremes to get out of something as simple as picking up a wet towel. They are, in a word, disgusting.

It's when the excuse time comes about that you see how true my axiom is. Now, if anyone would just shrug and say, "I was too lazy to <insert ignored chore here>." I could be okay with that. It's honest. What drives me nuts is the excuses and extremes lazy people go to instead of just doing what they should.

If you have enough brain power and energy to make that shit up, you have the power and energy to perform the action needed to correct your error. Shut up and pick up the damned towel.

Let me demonstrate further, because I had to live with his, so should you. In our kitchen is a trash can. You understand, things you can no longer you, that are refuse can be placed in there, and eventually a larger bin and picked up, at least weekly by your local municipality to be put into a landfill, compacted and covered with dirt and sold to a housing developer or golf course developer.

If you are in a forward thinking town or city, you also have a well functioning recycle program. You can recycle a shit tonne of things. We have two huge garbage bins, and one huge recycle bin. We need another recycle bin because we recycle everything our Recycle Coach (available on Android and iOS) that tells us what your Refuse Company recycles. Paper and aluminum are the ONLY items we humans can currently economically recycle. Glass and plastics, no. Just ask why you can't recycle your plastic grocery bags any longer. China.

We also compost. We compost a lot. I have a sign on my kitchen compost bin, no cooked food, no meat, no dairy (except egg shells). I also have a small bin to put things in that is eventually emptied into the huge recycle bin... when there is room. Yet, I find most things on the kitchen counter and dining table rather than put into the trash bin, literally just two feet away, or the recycle bin, just open the garage door and toss it in.

I mean, he opens that door often enough to go out and smoke, what's the issue? No, by all means, the cleaning fairies will pick it up and take care of it for them. Right? RIGHT?

Nope. Because every clean horizontal surface MUST be junked up. Someone comes and cleans it up so they eat at the table, right? Nah, I'll just eat at my desk if it's junked up. Oh, look, my desk is full of trash... I'll open the tail gate on my trunk and eat dinner there, looking out on how I Bumpassed up my own damned yard and will only clean it up when the city complains. It doesn't help that his bestie and neighbor thinks the exact same way.

"Cut my grass? I don't have a ticket from the Code Enforcement Officer yet."

"Why the hell should I do anything on bulk Trash day, it all erodes outside anyway?"

"Call the mower repair shop, I need to take the blade in again. But hey! I found the socket set I was looking for."

It doesn't help when you have pets, either. Don't ask. We have a dog and four cats, two of which are ours, and cleaning up after the cats alone (the cats who do not belong to me, BTW) is a full time job.

Evidently, cleaning up after them comprises of "throw a paper towel over the mess, the cleaning faeries will clean it up". I want a pair for fucking wings and I want to glow.

I don't forget to get my driver's license renewed for two years. I don't forget I have to pay tickets off or go to defensive driving for a ticket. I make messes, I clean them up. If I make something I have to tend, I tend to it. I don't forget about it, and yet brag about it to everyone I know, so they know I did something. 

I don't get pets or have children I shuffle off to others to care for and raise because it seemed like a good idea at the time, but I just don't want to get up and take care of them.

I don't continually promised to do anything but bake bread and then assiduously avoid doing it. Because I know the hassle of doing so is worse than just doing the damned job.

I'm too stupid to think of decent excuses and too lazy to clean up a bigger mess.