Go To Hell, Hippie

In the first Austin Powers movie, Dr. Evil tells Austin Powers, "There is nothing sadder than an aging hipster." I would have to agree and would have to add that there is nothing sadder than an aging hipster frantically trying to stay relevant in the modern age.

I'll be honest, I hate hippies. As far as I know, I always have. My mother was a wannabe hippy who smoked pot and allowed any wandering person into our home with no regard for the safety or security of me or my younger sister. No, I have no horrifying tales of molestation, but they did steal money from our piggy banks to go drink and score pot. From the age of 5 I was getting myself and my sister up to get ready for the day, get me to school. I didn't have money for lunch because my hippie hungover mom couldn't be bothered to even be aware that I was in school. She and her friends were so freakin concerned with the War in Viet Nam yet could not be bothered to raise their children properly. That is where my hatred stems from, so I would not deem it irrational at all.

Nothing in my experiences with hippy types has been able to erase my initial impression of useless people. I guess you could say I was an Objectivist from birth. Family gossip is that my aunt came to live with my parents shortly after I was born because I cried whenever my mother came near me and I would scream if she held me. That tends to prove my theory rather than discount it. I was fine around everyone else in my family. My mother had convinced my father to move to Berkley weeks after I was born so she could be in with the hippy/demonstrator crowd. She was disappointed that they actually lived in Stockton and that they shortly had to move to SoCal where my father had been accepted into a university there to continue his chemical engineering major.

I now see hippy types hijacking America and I seriously want to get a flame thrower and start sanitizing for our sanity. Let's face it, none of these jackasses have had anything relevant to say since they got busted at Kent State. They have spent 40 plus years looking for something to make them non-superfluous.

Get this straight Mr. Hippy-type freak, you were not relevant back then, and are even less so now. You are nothing more than some old, grey matter desperately seeking something to make you feel young, because you thought you would never grow old, never get sick, and never die. Everyone dies, moron. Even you and your stupid Marxist dream. Sucks getting old and hoping you remembered your depends before you headed to the Bingo Hall, huh?

You think you won some victory in Congress today? Buddy, you have no idea how badly you didn't win. Go ask your snot-nosed teen-aged grandson what Epic Fail means. You'll get a +2 Relevance ring if he snorts when he laughs at you. Better get back in line to wait for the gubmint cheddah, Hippy. It's the only thing you will be given once I take over this rock. Your kind ain't gonna like me much. But then, it's mutual, ain't it?